Day 5

Felt as good as I had felt for about a week, got up this morning and went to walmart to get my oil changed because I had a few other things to get too. I was sweating like a hog waiting to get my car back from them, I waited 20 minutes for someone to return to the department to give me my keys. I had walked laps around the store looking for someone and no one was to be found. Screw walmart!
I told Kim I wanted to get out of the house so we went to Hu Hot for lunch and to a movie. Before we left the house I just cried to Kim, I don't feel like myself- I can't do anything for myself although I've been getting by. Kim did all my laundry, thank God!, but I'd been doing all my own cooking and cleaning. I was exhausted and felt like crap and that was my life as I know it at this point.
Oooh the constipation that comes with the chemo. I hadn't pooped in 5 days and I was feeling like crap!
Mom asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with her, grandma and my aunt and uncle. I said I would if she came to get me, I didn't feel good enough to drive. She suggested I stay with her for the night so I packed a bag- just jammies and a tooth brush. When she came to pick me up, I just started crying again. I looked and felt like hell, she told me I didn't have to go but I wanted to. We both cried in the car- I think it's hard for her to see me like this; it's hard to have people see me like this. I'm pale, my face and whole chest area was breaking out, and I sweat constantly.
My aunt has really stuck close to my mom though all this, so I wanted to see them. It's been really amazing how some people have stepped up to help out and just be there, where others have completely disappeared. How cold is that? But yes it's true! I hope those people never actually go through this as they think its no big deal- but I'm trying to let it go, and let them go.