I made it through a whole week of work, feeling good! Tonight my old pal Teresa came over. She is an oncology nurse and I haven't had a chance to talk to her bout all this since it started. She confirmed that my hair will be falling out soon! and I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm crazy for using this shampoo to stop my hair from falling out- she's not buying it. :) It was good to talk to her! I was able to ask lots of questions that I was too afraid to ask a doctor! Miss her!

There it goes

No chemo this week! Yay! There's about a bizillion things going on at work so I'm very thankful to actually spend my workweek at work getting some stuff done!
I came home for lunch today. As I washed my hands after using the bathroom, I looked up for a split second in the mirror and I saw it, My SCALP! I thought I was just seeing things because I'm totally in denial that I'm actually going to lose my hair since I hadn't noticed anything falling out in bed or the shower plus I'm using this fancy shampoo and scalp treatments to prevent it. But no, it appears that the hairloss has started. It's not really noticeable, but I'll definitely be moving the part in my hair now. I freaked out a little bit, took some meds and calmed myself down before heading back to work. I texted my mom to put a rush on the hats she's making me becuase apparently the time has come.
I think it must have started thinning out over the weekend. I didn't shower on Sunday and Saturday I did but didn't pay any attention to my hair. I'll have to post a picture of my new "sexually confused" hair cut. Am I a girl or a boy? You decide!
I haven't told anyone about it yet because I don't want to talk about it with everyone, so I thought I'd just post it here for the world to read! :)
Ready for bed, long day.

Round #3 Day 2

Today was a great day! I woke up before my alarm went off. I was a little unsure if I wanted to go in to work at my regular time, just because I wasn't sure if it would last, but it did! I worked the entire day and never really felt any different than PBC (pre-breast cancer).
Amy and Finn came to visit tonight and I was able to play with him for a while. I'm still a bit weary that this will wear off towards the end of the week but right now I'm totally taking advantage of it!

Week #3

So this is my first actual posting after starting the blog and also my third week of chemo, which I had today. It occured to me out of much guilt and acknowledgment that I had withdrawn from my friends for the last few weeks, that I should come up with a way to communicate with as many people without having to contact everyone individually. So I'll be updating the blog with each treatment I receive and how I'm feeling as I try to continue with everything else in my life!

I had my 3rd treatment today as scheduled. All of my blood counts were good- so I don't have to get a Neulasta shot this week! yay! I was really excited about that because I haven't heard a lot of good things about it, lots of bone pain and fevers come with that. Chemo went smooth- no problems at all.

Tonight Mom and I went shopping for fabric for hats since the doctor said I would start to lose my hair within two weeks, two weeks ago. Haven't lost a hair yet! Believe me, I've been monitoring that closely. While we were at Wal-mart getting the fabric cut (for an hour and 15 minutes in the sweaty store) a lady complimented the colors of fabric that I had chosen and asked what we were making. With quick eye contact from mom, she told the lady what they were for. Turned out, she's a hair stylist and her husband and several other family and friends have had and are going through chemo also. She told me about a hair shampoo, conditioner and treatment that she can get that has helped a lot of people she knows to NOT lose their hair. YAY! I'm going to pick it up from her tomorrow- ideally I should have started the shampoo before I started the chemo, but it's never too late to try!

I'm feelin good and off to bed! Good Night!

Slept like crap last night. All sorts of crazy dreams. It could be just me, or the meds, or again...just me.
I start #3 chemo tomorrow- been doing a little research on the drugs that they are giving me, Carboplatnum and taxitere. I'm scheduled to get a Neulasta shot this week- nervous about that. I've read all sorts of crazy stuff about that, severe pain in your bones, fever and Neulasta flu? It can get pretty bad I guess.
Today is when I decided to write this blog after talking to my friend Amanda. I haven't had much time to keep in contact with everyone and I haven't been really good about returning phone calls. I thought this would be a good way for anyone who wanted to read up on what I'm doing and feeling each day

Very tired this morning, but no time to be sick! Met my friend Teri for lunch. I caught her up to speed on all the treatments I had had. Her mom had breast cancer years and years ago, I think the memories of her mom going through it are very fresh in her mind. The medicines have improved drastically since then so I don't have nearly the side affects and no vomiting from my treatments like she remembers from her mom.
My face is peeling a bit, the shaking has gotten better but is still there. There was a BBQ at my boss's house after work, I thought I'd just go home and relax for a bit before I went, but just crashed on the couch. I was really getting tired. I didn't have the energy to even sit and smile around anyone else today.
I did a little research online that night about my triple negative cancer and the specific chemo drugs I'm on. That was when I found a website devoted just to my type of cancer. From there I found a link to survivors and and their personal websites- I was able to read up on their stories and was reassured that I'm not the only one! It sucks- but I'm not alone!

Basically the only thought of the day is that I can not poop! Its extreme diarrea for two days and then I don't poop for 5 days. I've been so miserable with it that I've been discussing it with people who aren't really people I would normally talk about my bathroom habits. But when you have that problem, its all you can think about!
We had an event at work in the afternoon. With all the inappropriate questions I've been asked, I was very nervous going and seeing everyone. There would be people there that I don't normally see everyday within the building, so I was afraid of what someone would say to me next. But thankfully, nothing happened-
The big haircut- I really didn't care. Steph sent me text messages during the day asking me how I was handling it and if I was ok. I hadn't had time to think about it- things at work are crazy! When I got home, Kim asked me about it I think 3 times before I left for the appt. Steph drove me to the appt, when we got in the truck I started crying and told her its not a big deal, but everyone else was making it a big deal!
The guy who cut my hair said he was expecting that I'd maybe already lost some hair, but I have a lot of hair! He said he didn't think I'd lost a hair in my life. I haven't noticed any hairloss at all, but the dr said it would happen at three weeks, and that is next week- just getting prepared! He had a fancy name and designer of the haircut, I really didn't care. It was ok- I think he cut each hair on my head individually. It was all sorts of different lengths. Looked good when he styled it so we'll see if I can do that.

Round 2, Day 2

Feeling pretty good again this morning, but wanted to be sure. I hung around the house this morning, ate breakfast and relaxed on the couch a bit. I had discussed with the dr. not taking one of the nausea/vomiting pills since I hadn't felt sick to my stomach at all, and these two pills were $45- so if I didn't need them, I didn't want to take them.
Big improvement over last week, I got to work just a little late, but everyone was still surprised to see me. Things are crazy busy so I really dont' have time to have cancer. I'm switching into a new role as "recruiter" however still doing my old job as that has not yet been filled- all on 3 1/2 days a week!
I'm still shaking a lot and always hot and sweaty but feeling much better. Went out for dinner with Tiffney and her little guy. Steph called, she got me an appt at a fancy hair salon for tomorrow night. I'd been told and read over and over that I should cut my hair before it starts to thin and fall out. It would make the clean up a lot easier and would look fuller, when it is not. She's also insisting on paying for it because it's "too traumatic to pay for myself"- those are her words, not mine. I had short hair for years, I'm not too worried about it. It's awfully sweet of her though! I would never be able to afford that place
Mom is going to make me some head scarves since I have a few, but nothing reasonable for work. They're all the long scarves that you need some time and patience and skill to tie, and I don't have any of those things.
Today I'm ok with the hair thing- but that could change at any minute. I honestly think the reason chemo makes you lose your hair, is because you honestly can't take care of yourself whiel you're going through it. Too exhausted!

Round 2

It's Monday already again? All the labs and the visit with the dr. went super fast! Steph showed up as a surprise. All went well, no crying! :) I had told the doctor how badly I felt last week and how I shook all week, but it was getting better. She suggested slowing down one of the chemo bag drips and weening me off the steroids. Must have helped!
We finished mid-afternoon and ran a few errands. I felt awesome and made dinner that night. I am feeling so good I'm anxious to see if it will last!

Day 6

Woke up feeling much better than I had for the past week. I was totally annoyed and stressed about everything, work, the house, friends and family, I had 13 voicemails that I hadn't listened to or returned- so I knew I was feeling better. The dirty floor and moldy shit growing around the drain in the sink hadn't bothered me during my chemo-coma.
I worked on stuff for worked the entire day, stopping for a cat nap mid day. Resumed work and then tried to fit in a week's worth of house work much to my dismay. We need a maid.
That night mom came and brought food for dinner for the bbq. Getting ready for Round 2!

Day 6

OMG I finally pooped! It's so consuming when you can't poop! Cant think about anything else. And to add insult to injury- got my period. Fantastic!
Mid afternoon Mom and I decided to see a movie at the cheap seats. When we came out, I told mom I had felt better than I had in days. Most of the shaking and fatigue had disappeared.
That night I watched Mom watch the boys while Chris and Amy went to Saturday in the Park. I handled the bedtime events- meaning I fell asleep in bed with them.

Day 5

Felt as good as I had felt for about a week, got up this morning and went to walmart to get my oil changed because I had a few other things to get too. I was sweating like a hog waiting to get my car back from them, I waited 20 minutes for someone to return to the department to give me my keys. I had walked laps around the store looking for someone and no one was to be found. Screw walmart!
I told Kim I wanted to get out of the house so we went to Hu Hot for lunch and to a movie. Before we left the house I just cried to Kim, I don't feel like myself- I can't do anything for myself although I've been getting by. Kim did all my laundry, thank God!, but I'd been doing all my own cooking and cleaning. I was exhausted and felt like crap and that was my life as I know it at this point.
Oooh the constipation that comes with the chemo. I hadn't pooped in 5 days and I was feeling like crap!
Mom asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with her, grandma and my aunt and uncle. I said I would if she came to get me, I didn't feel good enough to drive. She suggested I stay with her for the night so I packed a bag- just jammies and a tooth brush. When she came to pick me up, I just started crying again. I looked and felt like hell, she told me I didn't have to go but I wanted to. We both cried in the car- I think it's hard for her to see me like this; it's hard to have people see me like this. I'm pale, my face and whole chest area was breaking out, and I sweat constantly.
My aunt has really stuck close to my mom though all this, so I wanted to see them. It's been really amazing how some people have stepped up to help out and just be there, where others have completely disappeared. How cold is that? But yes it's true! I hope those people never actually go through this as they think its no big deal- but I'm trying to let it go, and let them go.

Day 4

I'm exhausted in a way that seems cliche- Fatigue is listed as every side effect of every drug. It's impossible to explain how consuming it is, thinking about getting up to use the bathroom for 15 minutes hoping the urge would go away. I don't think I slept from highschool till I was like 27, I know how to cope on a lack of sleep- get over it!
I worked for about 2 hours- pretty successfun work week, a whole 8 hours! Friday is a scheduled holiday, thank God for that! I slept for the remainder of the day.

Day 3

I felt ok, been better but considering...I was feeling ok. I had horrible heart burn for 2 days- I wonder if it was from the toxic chemicals racing through all my veins. I layed around all morning until Janna asked if I was still up for some BWW. I thought it would give me something to think about to get me through the day, little steps. She always lifts my spirits, it's hard to feel bad around her, because she's so damn funny!
The thought of being awake for at least the next 7 hours brought on a little panic itself. It seemed impossible! My head was fuzzy, my hands were shaking and I couldn't think or speak in complete sentences. I worked for about 4 hours and went to meet Janna. Becky came too!
It felt awesome to see them but I was dragging. I needed to see my friends!
I still hadn't returned any phone calls yet. Just too tired, didn't want to talk to anyone. When I got home Steph was there, I just walked in my room and layed down for a minute. I couldnt' do anything but cry! It was sheer exhaustion, unexplainable. My mind couldn't process any thoughts except for reminding me how horrible I felt. The exhaustion was the hardest part to deal with, but cause you think it's something you can get over. Everyone gets tired, you deal with it and get moving! But this is different, it's sitting on the couch and needing to take the pills that are right in front of you on the coffee table and you just can't get them.
I couldn't stop crying. I loved seeing my pals but it was very real that my life was on hold. Steph encouraged me that I needed this to see my friends and keep that part of my life as close to normal as I can!