Retail Therapy

Did a little shopping today with Amy. I've been looking through my closet to find clothes that are comfortable and still fit right. The idea being to find things that distract from the point that I don't have boobs. Got a couple shirts and pants. We stopped and picked up dinner and took it home to Chris and the boys before coming home and took a long hot bath.
Dr put me on steroids for 2 days to help with the pain I still have- I don't know what that's going to do but whatever. As soon as they said steroids I imagined I'll be gaining another 20 pounds. I just got off those stupid things! They keep me up all night and my skin is bright read and I run a low fever. I hate how I feel when I have to take them. Good night!

Big Day!

So today was a big day! I had two appointments; one with the radiologist dr and one with physical therapist.
Morning started out rough- I usually take my pain pills a while before I ever attempt to get out of the recliner I've been sleeping in, but this morning there was no time for that. I was hard enough to even wake up! I've been sleeping 12-14 hours each night and then napping again in the afternoon.
First stop of the day was to the cancer center, to the radiation Dr- he said again that he was shocked that the MRI turned out to be cancer again. Nothing really changed on what he plans to do concerning radiation, except for that he will be radiating my neck/shoulder area to get the lymphnode area, given the cancer was so extensive although the lymph nodes were clear. Holding off on any actual plans until the results of the PETscan are back, which won't be for another few weeks.
This afternoon I met with my physical therapist for the first time. Apparently my surgeon thinks its bad that I refuse to use my left arm and just sit in the recliner packed with pillows all day long. She had me in tears within minutes of doing any treatment on me. She did a lot of measuring of how far I could move my arms in several different directions, then followed with a massage to the surgical sight, my armpit and the entire shoulder area- that killed! It was horrible!
She sent me home with homework since she only is at the office one day a week, I have a lot of healing to do on my own. She sent me to a home medical supply store to get a pully thing that goes into the top of a closed door and I pull one arm up and then pull the other up. I do that as well as the massage and also lay flat on my back in my bed, all for 5 minutes three times a day.
I'm really itching to get back to work. I'm so bored sitting here all day, I need some human contact! Hopefully if this weekend goes well, I can get back there on Monday, might start doing half days, we'll see when the time comes, day by day.
Mentally, I'm doing a lot better than I thought I would considering the initial shock of the news. Before surgery I had researched the surgery online to know what I was getting into. I saw pictures and read all the advice those who have blazed this trail before me had to give. I think that helped the shock factor- every once in a while it gets me, but right now I need to concentrate on getting better!
I hope this clears up some questions those of you who received an email from my mom! I'm fine! Nothing new today! :)

drains are out!

Went back to the surgeon today and he took out my last two drains! Hurt a bit more this time. Dr gave me another Rx to help with the burning pain in my left arm, said its pretty common that your nerve endings go crazy once they've all been cut and mangled.
When I got home my sister and her kids were here with my little Collin- so got to see everyone for a while. Finn came over later and we ordered pizza for supper.
I'm going to be starting physical therapy soon to get my arms and shoulders moving again. He wanted to know if I was ready to go back to work or what my thoughts were on that. I'm a bit scared to go back with the pain I still have in chest and arms. I'm still steadily taking my pain pills so don't want to go back quite yet because they make me so tired and I'll probably do something stupid :) He told me I can go back when my pain is under control and I'm not sleeping so much- I'm shooting for Monday 2-1-10. Feels good to get those drains out!

Still recovering at home. Took the compression wrap off and saw the scars this week. Not as basas I expected but still not pretty. I had 9 lunch guests earlier this week- most of my department from work brought me lunch! It was fun, good to see everyone again.
I was supposed to have my other two drains removed yesterday, but thanks to the ice storm we had the night before, I'll be toting these drains around until Monday!
My friend Janna has been working on a fundraiser(s) to cover my medical expenses- I am overwhelmed with the amount of support and help she has received from everyone!

This morning I saw my oncologist again, first time since surgery. My blood levels were a bit low, but I don't have to go to the hospital for anymore shots!
He isn't completely sure if I'll have chemo again, but it's sounding like that's where Im headed. I'm seeing the radiation oncologist on the 27th and will have another PET scan in a couple weeks. The swelling in my breast area needs to go down first before they do that scan, otherwise it will show all the swelling as possible cancer. The last scan was really cool, I looked like a skinned pig- I wonder if I can get a copy of it...and post it here! :)
Tiffney from work came over yesterday on her lunch break. Sounds like next week everyone from work is coming over and having lunch with me. I'm excited! I miss everyone! It will be a couple weeks yet before I go back to work- looking forward to it!

10 Days Out

Today I returned to the surgeon to get my drains out. I'm still getting a lot of drainage so I wasn't sure if they would actually take them out. Turns out he only took one, which I was ok with because it was the most painful one. On the way to the appionement, my mom told me that one of her friends who had a drain said it felt like ' they were pulling his balls out' when his drain was removed.
So when my doctor started getting ready to take mine out, he stood in between me and my mom so I couldn't see her face, but it didn't hurt at all. When I saw her I started laughing and he made a comment that it sounds worse than it actually is to get them removed. So I told him what my mom had said about her friend. He said that if he pulled my balls out, my case would be a lot more complicated.
Since I'm still hurting a lot, especially in my arms, he recommended adding Advil to my painpills to help and see how that does.
The boys have been coming to see me about every other day. Makes me feel better to see them! Just sad I can't hug and squeeze them!

Update part 2

More catching up to do...
While in the hospital my blood counts went really low and they ended up giving me three units of blood. They starved me for a couple days because they weren't sure if I was going to have to have more surgery to clean up this large hematoma I have that seems to be pooling up all my blood.
It was really cold the entire week and towards the end of the week it was blizzarding so that kind of took care of most of my visitors. That's ok- most days I wasn't up for many visitors anyway.
All the nurses I had were great, they took really good care of me and my mom the entire week. My overnight stay turned in to 5 days since I wasn't released till Saturday.
All week I've been going to the hospital to get blood thinner shots twice a day- that got really old! My mom went back to work so my grandma came over to stay with me until I'm up and going- or she gets tired of me, whichever comes first.

Recovering at home

I had surgery on Monday 1-4-09. They weren't 100% sure it was cancer until they got the lab report back, and sure enough, it was. Showed one tumor to be 5.5 cm, which is bigger than the first that I had removed in May. They also removed 4 lymphnodes which all turned out to be clean, as well as the right boob- which was removed as a preventative measure.
It was supposed to be an overnight stay, but in True-Theresa Fashion, I stayed until Saturday. My blood levels were very low and ended up having 3 bags of blood in the first few days following the surgery. They weren't sure if I was bleeding too much inside from the surgery so they were starving me for a few days while they waited it out to see if I needed additional surgery.
The first night after my surgery, I had been up a couple times witht the nurse walking and getting to the bathroom. So when I needed to use the facilities again that night I told mom she could just take me as it was only a few steps away. I remember sitting on the toilet and mom was right outside the door. I remember looking down at my flat chest wrapped in gauze and compression dressings and thinking "oh my god, I had a mastectomy today" that's all I remember until I woke up in my bed with several nurses all around me. I had passed out stone cold, going head first into the shower. My mom had seen me starting to fall and screamed for some help and they came in and picked me up and bought my bed to me. I vaguely remember my mom telling me to pull the help-cord in the bathroom as I was heading down. She said my eyes were huge with nothing but pupils and whites around them.
I didn't know before that you use your boobs to type. Getting sore now, I'll write more later!

Today I met Lori, who is a breast cancer survivor I've been emailing with for a few months. She's a sister in law of a friend at work. We've never actually met until today. She said she had a few things I might be able to use after my surgery. I got the chance to ask her all sorts of questions and compare stories. She's the first and only person I've been able to talk to through all of this. She set my mind at ease as she is a very strong lady.
I'm getting really nervous, having second thoughts if I'm doing the right thing. I've been very aware of every boob I see on tv as well as my own boobs, wondering what things will look like when they are gone- basically the physical changes is what scares the hell out of me. I don't want big nasty scars! I have enough of those already!