I'm home!

I was released from the hospital on Friday afternoon. Can't go back to work yet, but have a follow up visit today so hopefully I can return tomorrow.
Penguin came this weekend and my mom stayed here so she could give me shots! Ouch! Those hurt and leave big old bruises behind. I really hope Sunday was the last day I have to do those!
Nothing exciting here, just hanging out with my foot up....

Going home?

I think I'm going home today! My Family Doc- Dr. Jocye was in this morning and said my blood levels look good so I should be going home soon. Yesterday they took me off the IV and started giving me the shots that I will have to give myself at home- holy mother it burned! I could hardly hold my leg still while she did it! But Dr. J doesn't think I'll have to do them at home. I asked if the blood clot was gone or how do we know it won't break loose? He told me it would be here for months, until my body naturally absorbs it- the blood thinners will just keep my blood so that it doesn't make new clots or add to this one, it won't actually erase this clot.
I'm still working on my new book and I love it! I would love to write a book some day that someone would actually read-I think that would be awesome. I gotta make some kind of lemonade out of these lemons! I'm really trying not to include a favorite quote by Sara Silverman.
I haven't had any neighbors in the rooms next to me all week until last night. One of them is in seclusion and the other guy is completely loud and annoying me, I feel sorry for the nurses. He's been in my room twice already today to get my nurse that was in here. Back off! She's mine!
Yesterday morning after my blood draw, I took the tape off my arm where they had covered the needle hole and the skin on my arm came off with it! Man that hurts! And it's right in the crotch of my elbow so when my arm is bent, like all the time, it touches my arm and burs, burns, burns. Not cool.
Did everyone watch Gray's Anatomy last night? I must be over-medicated becase I didn't shed one tear...

Oh Man- this is brutal! Good news is I should be able to get out of here tomorrow! I don't know if I will still be on bedrest at home, but at least I'm not here.
Last night some of my family came up, full house in here. They brought me gifts and lots of junk food. My aunt gave me a book that was passed along by her sister in law who had cancer- it's called "Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips" Its hilarious so far. It's about a 31 year old lady who was diagnosed with some rare cancer, she had tumors all over her liver and spleen I think it was. Anyway, although she's hilarious it made me thankful that there's something that can be done about my cancer, I can live without my boobs- at least it's not on any vital organs. I'm most appreciating all of her comments about how rude some people are when they find out you have cancer- most of them don't even probably realize it, but she has lots of great advice and come-backs for stupid comments and questions!
I've been looking forward to my mealtimes, but because they're good, but because it breaks up the day a bit. Other things to do today- Grey's Anatomy Premier!

24 Hours In...

Slept ok, when I was actually able to sleep! They came in every 2 hours to draw blood to monitor how thin it was getting. They also gave me some shots to blast the clot apart. Mom took the day off and sat with me. How boring this is! At least on the cancer floor, it's all private rooms! No one crapping on the curtain between our beds (i still have nightmares about that).
Since my doctor was on rounds at the hospital this week, I got to see him this morning. He gave me a stern scolding for not calling the on-call doctor on Sunday. Seriously, he went on for about 5 minutes. I didn't know it was this serious, or serious at all! I've had several appointments where I thought the swelling was really bad, and sent home because there was nothing there! When I had my first blood clot, it was probably the worst pain I had ever had in my life. I was doubled over in pain for several days before it was diagnosed- this hardly hurts at all. The Dr told me I 'might be able to leave by the weekend if I had something going on" so the few days has now turned into at least 5 days at this point. I will also be on coumadin for the rest of my life- since this bloodclot was brought on by surgery or extended period of laying around, the seriousness has increased. Oh well, what can you do?

I had a few visitors that made the time pass by this afternoon. Tonight is the "Divine Desserts" event with Dr. Lisa Masterson at the Marina Inn. Mom had bought a table and there was 8 of us to attend. There is a special receptioin for Cancer Survivors at 6 that I was going to go to, but can not. Thankfully we found enough people to take the extra tickets since my two friends who were going to go with me do not know each other so that would make things kinda wierd! They gave up their tickets and mom found people to use them.
Here's a special treat I got last night...apparently anyone who is admitted to this floor has to be test for MRSA and something else- that entails a swap up the nose and one around the anus. Awesome! hey, if that's the worse thing that happens- I'm ok with that. Quick and painless! I'm just so thankful I can get up to use the bathroom!

Sunday afternoon I noticed that my leg was very swollen again. I put my sexy ted hose on and elevated my leg for the afternoon. My cousin Michelle was visiting from Omaha so we just hung out at home for the day. Monday morning when I woke up the swelling still hadn't gone down. I sent mom this picture to show her how my leg was swollen.
I called my dr and told them how large my leg and foot were and they fit me in that afternoon. My Dr. Doodlebop was on hospital rounds so I saw lady Dr. Rao- she was very concerned and sent me up to hospital for an ultrasound. She was pretty sure it was a bloodclot and explained what she wanted to do to treat it, with lovanox injections at home for a week. She didn't even want me walking around at her office while we waited to set up the ultrasound with the hospital.
Once we were at the hospital and the tech started on my leg, I knew things were not good! She was concentrating a lot on my groin area where I had my clot in 2002. After she eventually made it down my leg and ankle area, she went back again over my groin and then up into my abdomen. There were lots of very pretty colors on the screen and I had to ask what was going on! She had just changed the velocity of the waves and the colors was all, but I was freaking! She told me to stay where I was on the table in case the doctor wanted to take a look before I got dressed. She came back about 20 mintues and told me I could get dressed but to stay in the room on the table since she was waiting for Dr Rao to call her back with directons on what I should do next. A while later she came back and said that Dr Rao was on the phone for me. She was talking very loudly in the phone and very excited- between her and the tech, they told me that I had a bloodclot in my illiac vein that started in my abdomen and stretched down my entire leg. It was blocking 75% of my bloodflow. Holy Crap! She told me I needed to be on complete bed rest for a week and I'd be giving myself blood thinner injections twice a day and they would be monitoring my blood closely throughout the week since my immune system and blood count levels are already compromised to begin with, the blood thinners make things even trickier. After several phone calls between the ER, my Dr, the insurance co- my dr decided it was easier and safer for me to be admitted.
I was in shock, I kind of still am. It doesn't hurt like my first blood clot did- I really wasn't expecting it to be anything- sound familiar? Maybe I should start gambling! So here I am, for at least a few days while they try to break up this monster clot! I'm at Mercy- on the oncology floor if anyone is bored, so am I! Come see me!

Let's get re-aquainted!

It's been a while since I've last posted! I had chemo on Friday the 11th with the new drug I started. It was still a partial dose of what I will be getting in a few weeks once I finish out the cycle I am on. I felt ok on Saturday, I went to breakfast with Chris and Amy and the boys, did a little shopping and I was beat by the time we were done. I came home around 11 and went to straight to nap. Slept most of Saturday and Sunday. Missed work on Monday and Tuesday- I didn't have the energy to shower or anything! I wore the same sweats from Saturday till Tuesday, I was just too exhaused to change or move. I did manage to soak in the tub one night.
Once I was feeling better, I was busy busy at work all week, which is why I haven't posted anything. I tend to work a lot on my weeks off so I can bank some time for when I'm feeling crappy. My tastebuds were completely shot last week! Everything tasted horrible- bitter like baking soda. I started to regain some normal taste of my food last weekend but I was also not able to eat any foods that weren't cooked because my counts were low. I didn't know that my counts were low until today I asked the doc what the reasoning for this is, because I wanted nothing more than watermelon last week so I actually threw away the one I had in my fridge because I wanted to eat it so badly! I'm very impulsive and have no self control so I thought it was best to throw it out! I've also been getting a lot of bloody noses again and have a cough, which apparently is from this chemo. My nose hurts so bad, it's like raw inside, so when i move my mouth (which has sores on the corners of my lips- they're healing tho) it pulls and hurts! I feel like a negative nancy writing this but I did have a really good week after Tuesday!
A friend at work 'set me up' with her sister in law who is a breast cancer survivor, so we have been emailing back and forth for a few weeks. It's so nice to hear her stories and know I'm not losing my mind. She has had the same chemo that I had so she experienced a lot of the same side effects. We've been swapping stories and she's answered a lot of my questions. I hope to meet her sometime soon. It's like we're on-line dating! :)

Good News! I don't have any baby berry cancer- ultrasound came back clean of any tumors or cysts!
Today I had treatment #9- shortly after I got hooked up to my first bag, we lost power. It was off the entire afternoon and wasn't expected to be back on until 4 pm. They had made arrangements to transport those who had long chemo treatments to the hospital to finish the treatment and cancelled all other appointments who had not yet started. I think the nurses were excited about getting the afternoon off becuase I've never been finsihed so fast! They were pouring that stuff right in! And then to their dismay, as I was being unhooked, the power came back on, but they had already cancelled the rest of the appointments for the day.
I'm off next week, but just have to go in for blood work as they expect this week they will go down, for that reason I can only eat food that has been cooked thoroughly which eliminates my diet of sandwiches and cereal.
Today I got some zinc glycol that is supposed to improve my tastebuds since I can't taste anything that's not sweet. I wonder if it works...we'll find out tomorrow!

Last of Round #3

Tomorrow is my last day of my third round of chemo- that makes for 8 total treatments after tomorrow! Bad news is that this should be nearing my half way mark, but since my chemo drugs and cycle is changing, I will be doing this for a month longer than originally expected. Oh well, I guess I'd rather just get it all over with now and not do it again next year!
I had a rough weekend, mainly feeling pretty crappy about my hair falling out. When I feel crappy, I get sad when I normally wouldn't be said- just not feeling well. I've been INSANELY hot all week- the last two days have been horrible! Im sweating all over my body, feel like my shirt is soaked and all my chins are sticking to one another ! It hasn't even been hot out this week. Today I swore I was going to have a heart attack! I just couldn't catch my breath just from walking down the hall or talking a lot!
I had an ultrasound on the baby berries today. Apparently that wasn't ovulation that lit up on my PETscan, it's a cyst or something so they wanted me to have that checked out. I went to the hospital with a full bladder, which only takes about 45 minutes to collect as I'm on lasix so going constantly anyway. Then I waited for nearly an hour, sweating perfusely and trying not to pee my pants at the same time! When the lady came to get me she asked me if I had a full bladder- Not for long I said! I brought you a full bladder an hour ago! And she apologized over and over again. So they put me on a table and tilted my head down and took as many pictures as fast as she could then had me go 'half way' empty my bladder because my bladder was smashing everything she was trying to take pictures of! How does one measure the capacity of your bladder, especially when you've been holding it for over an hour! Apparently I'm not a good judge because she said it was still really smashing the berries and uterus- we had a bit of a berry jam apparently! :)
Anyway, the best part of today was finally peeing! It's the small things! :)

#8 done and over! Feeling reassured about what I'm doing after seeng my real doc yesterday. They are changing my chemo drugs now as I seem to be having a bit of a reaction to one of the drugs. I got another rash in my elbows this week and apparently my choking on bread is also a sign of the same kind allergic reaction. Since one of the drugs tends to give people more trouble, that's the one I'm going to stop. Replacing with Cytoxin. Since I'm in the middle of a cycle, yesterday I was given my regular dose of taxotere and a low dose of cytoxin and will do the same next week to finish out this cycle. Then I will go to once every three weeks (yay!) but with stronger doses so side affects could be greater and of course, they are different and not pleasant (irritation of bladder lining, hair loss, etc).
I'm feeling ok today, just tired and hot! My skin feels hot although I have no temp.
I'm scheduled for an ultrasound next week to monitor my baby berries to make sure no cancer has spread there as breast and ovarian cancer are linked. On my PETscan in June there was a bit of a light they thought was just ovulation, but having it looked at to be sure.
Kim and Mom sat with me during Chemo- fell asleep a few times while we were there. It was nice to be in a private room again, it's been a while since I got a room. I've requested to be in a room but that might not work every week!
No big plans for the weekend- just waiting it out to make sure I feel good!

I'm back people!

And just in the lick of time because tomorrow I do it all again! This week totally sucked which is why I didn't write other to notify you all that I was not dead- touch and go for a while, but heart never stopped tickin. Just felt sick to my stomach, but no barfy-barfy, had no appetite and couldn't bring myself to eat anything for a couple days.
The hair issue has gotten a bit more difficult this week as it is falling out a lot, a lot! Not just more than usual, but I'm guessing i will be bald in two weeks at the rate I'm losing hair. It takes a bit longer to remove all the hair that I've shed in the shower cleaned up and off my body- do you know that it is possible to look like Chewbaca, fresh out of a shower? It's true, I'm not into nudie pictures or I'd totally prove it. It's very messy which just adds insult to injury! :)
I was given the name of a co-worker's friend who is also going through treatment, who I've been procrastinating contacting. But now that my hair is falling out, I think I might have some questions I want to ask her! I have trouble asking for help and that sort of thing, so I just need to do it and benefit from her experiences.
No plans for the holiday weekend- kinda holding off on that until I know last week was a fluke and I might actually feel like doing something. So, if anyone has anything in mind, give me a call!

I'm really trying to keep a positive outlook on things however, I try and try to forget this cancer business and it sneaks up where I'm least expecting it! I've been using work as a bit of an "outlet" since I love my job and I sure have enough to keep me busy there 60 hours each week. Working just 4 days most weeks, I tend to stay late and work if I have nothing else going on and I'm feeling up to it physically.
Today I interviewed someone who was in my master's program at school. Since it's all online, we've never actually met-however we have worked on projects over the last three years. I honestly don't know if I would have recognized her name if I hadn't seen her education credentials on her resume. I didn't realize this until 5 minutes before I was to meet her in the lobby, so I was instantly fearful that she would recognize my name from our classes together. I didn't want her to ask me anything about the program, as she completed her classes this summer, where I am not due to the unknowns of my treatment. I don't want to do it half-assesd and I'm in no rush since I have a fantastic job where I'm doing real HR work. When she mentioned that she finished her MAHR, my throat closed and I don't think I even looked at her while she spoke. It felt like that one sentence she said lasted 5 minutes because I was so fearful she would ask me if I'd completed the program as well, and why I did not. Thankfully, she didn't ask and I didn't volunteer any information on who I was.
Another man that I work with was in my office the other day telling me that his wife is a retired oncology nurse- we were talking about another co-worker who has had another recent bout with cancer. Again, the fear and questioning if I should tell him of my situation, in casual conversation. I don't know if he knows, he's never told me that he knows as most people haven't- but word travels fast and I think everyone I work with truely cares about my situation but I hate telling people. Makes me nervous because I'm not ok with crying at work and once I get started...:)
This too shall pass... :)

Just a quick update, last week's chemo didn't go as well. Was exhausted through the weekend and didn't do much. Janna brought me dinner which was awesome! Made me feel a bit more like normal for a few hours! :)
For the first real time, I've been sick to my stomach and taking meds to control it as much as possible. Finding it difficult to want to eat, although most of the meds I have to take should be taken with food. I'm pretty much exhasted this week.
My hair is falling out in mass amounts, cleaning the drain twice in the shower- followed by a rinse again to get all the hair off me that stuck and another quick cleaning of the tub to get all the hair off. This morning got kinda ugly, totally freaked out about it- takes a lot longer to get ready in the morning when you're cleaning up hair from all over yourself and everything you've touched. In general, just not feeling good this week. More later...