My mom had been staying with me since Tuesday since I'm a little off my rocker and had a lot of appointments to get to. Wednesday I met with my oncologist who is very optimistic that this is not cancer until it is confirmed by the lab tests, but given my high risk status and the recommendation of the radiologist, he still recommended the mastectomy. The risk is much greater to not take the boob and have it be cancer than to take the boob and it turn out to be cancer. He had a lot of questions for the radiologist who read the MRI, and tried to reach her, but she was on vacation so he was unable to contact her.
He also suggested just the rotten side, but I told him I want to do both and be done with it.
I don't know if I have to do chemo again, won't know until after the surgery. Doc said there's one other drug that he would recommend but it's a nasty one, by all accounts on my research. Not looking forward to that.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Blaah!
On Monday 12-28 I still hadn't gottten the results of my MRI back from the previous week, so I called my surgeon's office to ask about it. The nurse said she didn't have them back yet, but there was a note in the computer that my doc wanted to see me today or tomorrow. I said today would work best since tomorrow am I was scheduled to go get my tattoos to start radiation. So she squeezed me in that afternoon- I questioned if I should even come if they don't have the results back yet and she said she was going to call the Omaha hospital right now and get it.
My phone was dying becuase I was rockin out all morning to music on my phone but I tried several times to get a hold fo my mom to let her know. She was off work for the week, I didn't expect her to drive all the way over to SC for the appt as I didn't suspect anything serious, but I didn't want her to not come because she didn't know- so I made sure I left a couple messages so she would be informed.
When the doc came in the room as I sat there still in my coat because I was pretty sure I was going to be walking out in a few minutes, he started the small talk and whatnot. Then asks where my mom is because she's never missed an appt. I told him we've had a lot of alone time lately so I figured she was screening my calls, "consider yourself informed" I said on her voicemail.
So then he lays it on me, Yah, I have cancer. Same spot, but bigger. Isn't that the point of chemo? I couldn't even cry because I don't think I believed it. I know he talked a lot but I think I must have blacked out at that point because I really dont' remember a lot of what he said. He recommended a mastectomy as continuing with "breast conservation" (ie. lumpectomy) was not an option- there were several areas that were "of concern". I was like, are you sure it's cancer? He said there was no way to know for sure until it's taken out- he offered to have another biopsy done on these areas but considering the high risk I already have for reoccurance his recommendation was to slice it off. He also suggested this because when we first started talking surgery on my first lumpectomy, I was on the fence if I should just do a mastectomy and be done with it all. Even if I did the biopsy, the parts that they test could be negative, although there is still cancer all around it in several spots. I don't remember a lot- I think he said he was taking out 4 more lymphnodes for study. I told him I couldn't even cry because I was just pissed off!
I agreed to do the mastectomy and we got it scheduled. About a minute after he left the room, my mom's friend Kay, who works in the office, walked in and I just started balling! I told her it was cancer, I thought maybe my doc went and got her since he was concerned that I was there alone and he knows our relationship with Kay as we stop in to talk to her at each appointment.
He sent me to hospital for an ultrasound on my leg since it was ginormous again- and since my phone was dead, Kay called my mom and told her I was on my way to the hospital but to drive carefully and I'd meet her there- not mentioning anything about the cancer.
As soon as I left the office, I called Kim on what little cell phone battery I had left- she didn't answer. So I remembered Chris was off that day- called him to pick me up at my house and take me to the hospital- I've never left the hospital after having a blood clot checked out, so I figured I should get my car home first if possible. I told him my news on the phone and said I'd meet him at my house.
When I got home Kim was home but I couldn't even say it...Chris came a few minutes later and I was a mess! Kim was wanting to know what was going on so I told Chris to tell her. I medicated myself to calm down a bit and Chris just hugged me as I did the "why me?" routine.
We got to the hospital and mom was just getting there. I wanted to tell her right away because I knew it was written all over my face. I walked into the lobby and told her to follow me back outside and she did. I told her and her face was just blank for a while- I was starting to wonder if she heard me...but she did.
Blood Clot apparently is an old one and no one really cared so I got to go home.
My phone was dying becuase I was rockin out all morning to music on my phone but I tried several times to get a hold fo my mom to let her know. She was off work for the week, I didn't expect her to drive all the way over to SC for the appt as I didn't suspect anything serious, but I didn't want her to not come because she didn't know- so I made sure I left a couple messages so she would be informed.
When the doc came in the room as I sat there still in my coat because I was pretty sure I was going to be walking out in a few minutes, he started the small talk and whatnot. Then asks where my mom is because she's never missed an appt. I told him we've had a lot of alone time lately so I figured she was screening my calls, "consider yourself informed" I said on her voicemail.
So then he lays it on me, Yah, I have cancer. Same spot, but bigger. Isn't that the point of chemo? I couldn't even cry because I don't think I believed it. I know he talked a lot but I think I must have blacked out at that point because I really dont' remember a lot of what he said. He recommended a mastectomy as continuing with "breast conservation" (ie. lumpectomy) was not an option- there were several areas that were "of concern". I was like, are you sure it's cancer? He said there was no way to know for sure until it's taken out- he offered to have another biopsy done on these areas but considering the high risk I already have for reoccurance his recommendation was to slice it off. He also suggested this because when we first started talking surgery on my first lumpectomy, I was on the fence if I should just do a mastectomy and be done with it all. Even if I did the biopsy, the parts that they test could be negative, although there is still cancer all around it in several spots. I don't remember a lot- I think he said he was taking out 4 more lymphnodes for study. I told him I couldn't even cry because I was just pissed off!
I agreed to do the mastectomy and we got it scheduled. About a minute after he left the room, my mom's friend Kay, who works in the office, walked in and I just started balling! I told her it was cancer, I thought maybe my doc went and got her since he was concerned that I was there alone and he knows our relationship with Kay as we stop in to talk to her at each appointment.
He sent me to hospital for an ultrasound on my leg since it was ginormous again- and since my phone was dead, Kay called my mom and told her I was on my way to the hospital but to drive carefully and I'd meet her there- not mentioning anything about the cancer.
As soon as I left the office, I called Kim on what little cell phone battery I had left- she didn't answer. So I remembered Chris was off that day- called him to pick me up at my house and take me to the hospital- I've never left the hospital after having a blood clot checked out, so I figured I should get my car home first if possible. I told him my news on the phone and said I'd meet him at my house.
When I got home Kim was home but I couldn't even say it...Chris came a few minutes later and I was a mess! Kim was wanting to know what was going on so I told Chris to tell her. I medicated myself to calm down a bit and Chris just hugged me as I did the "why me?" routine.
We got to the hospital and mom was just getting there. I wanted to tell her right away because I knew it was written all over my face. I walked into the lobby and told her to follow me back outside and she did. I told her and her face was just blank for a while- I was starting to wonder if she heard me...but she did.
Blood Clot apparently is an old one and no one really cared so I got to go home.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Wheatgrass
In nearly every article I've read about cancer in the past 7 months, I've found several people raving about the benefits of wheatgrass! I've been drinking it everyday for about 5 days now and I've already noticed my energy level has increased dramatically. Today I scooped snow for about 2 hours, did some shopping and have been cleaning like crazy once I got home. I decided no matter how bad it tastes, I'm going to drink it if it makes me feel better, which so far it has. I'm expecting my at-home growing kit on 12/30. I'll keep you posted. For those interested, check this out!
WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT WHEATGRASS JUICE?
1.Wheatgrass juice is 70% chlorophyll.
2.Chlorophyll is the first product of light and contains more light energy than any other element.
3.Wheatgrass juice is a crude chlorophyll and can be taken orally and as a colon implant without toxic side effects.
4.Chlorophyll is the basis of all plant life.
5.Wheatgrass is high in oxygen like all green plants that contain chlorophyll. The brain and all body tissues function at an optimal level in a highly oxygenated environment.
6.Chlorophyll is anti-bacterial and can be used inside and outside the body as a healer.
7.Renowned nutritionist Dr. Bernard Jensen says that it only takes minutes to digest wheatgrass juice and it uses up very little body energy.
8.Science has proven that chlorophyll arrests growth and development of harmful bacteria.
9.Chlorophyll (wheatgrass) rebuilds the bloodstream. Studies of various animals have shown chlorophyll to be free of any toxic reaction. The red cell count was returned to normal with four to five days of the administration of chlorophyll, even in those animals that were known to be extremely anemic or low in red cell count.
10.Farmers in the American midwest who have sterile cows and bulls put them on wheatgrass to restore fertility. (The high magnesium content in chlorophyll builds enzymes that restore the sex hormones.)
11.Chlorophyll can be extracted from many plants, but wheatgrass is superior because it has been found to have over 100 elements needed by man. If grown in organic soil, it absorbs 92 of the known 102 minerals from the soil.
12.Wheatgrass has what is called the "grass juice factor," which has been shown to keep herbivorous animals alive indefinitely.
13.Dr. Ann Wigmore helped people get well from chronic disorders for 30 years using wheatgrass.
14.Liquid chlorophyll gets into the tissues, refines them, and rebuilds and rejuvenates them.
15.Wheatgrass juice is a superior detoxification agent compared to carrot juice and other fruits and vegetables. Dr. Earp Thomas, an associate of the late Ann Wigmore, says that 15 pounds of wheatgrass is the equivalent of 350 pounds of carrots, lettuce, celery, and so on.
16.Liquid chlorophyll washes drug deposits from the body.
17.Chlorophyll neutralizes toxins in the body.
18. Chlorophyll helps purify the liver.
19. Chlorophyll improves blood sugar problems.
20.Wheatgrass juice cures acne and even removes scars after it has been ingested for seven to eight months. The diet must be improved at the same time.
21.In the 1940 American Journal of Surgery, Benjamin Cruskin, MD recommended chlorophyll to: clear up foul-smelling odors, neutralize strep infections, heal wounds, hasten skin grafting, cure chronic sinusitis, overcome chronic inner-ear inflammation and infections, reduce varicose veins and heal leg ulcers, eliminate impetigo and other scabby eruptions, heal rectal sores, successfully treat inflammation of the uterine cervix, get rid of parasitic vaginal infections, reduce typhoid fever, and cure advanced pyorrhea in many cases.
22. Wheatgrass juice acts as a detergent in the body and is used as a body deodorant.
23.A small amount of wheatgrass juice in the human diet prevents tooth decay.
24.Wheatgrass juice held in the mouth for 5 minutes will eliminate toothaches and poisons from gums.
25.Gargle with wheatgrass juice for a sore throat.
26. For pyorrhea of the mouth, lay pulp of wheatgrass soaked in juice on diseased area in mouth or chew wheatgrass. Spit outthe pulp.
27.Drink wheatgrass juice for skin problems such as eczema or psoriasis.
28.Wheatgrass juice keeps the hair from graying.
29.By taking wheatgrass juice, one may feel a difference in strength, endurance, health, and spirituality and experience a sense of well-being.
30.Wheatgrass juice improves the digestion.
31. It is great for blood disorders of all kinds.
32. Wheatgrass juice is high in enzymes.
33.Wheatgrass juice is an excellent skin cleanser and can be absorbed through the skin for nutrition. Pour green juice over your body in a tub of warm water and soak for 15 to 20 minutes. Rinse off with cool water.
34.Wheatgrass implants (enemas) are great for healing and detoxifying the colon walls. The implants also heal and cleanse the internal organs. After an enema, wait 20 minutes, then implant 4-ounces of wheatgrass juice. Retain or 20 minutes.
35. Wheatgrass juice is great for constipation and keeping the bowels open. It is high in magnesium.
36.Dr. Max Bircher, a research scientist, inventor of muesli, and founder of the famed Bircher-Benner Clinic in Zurich, Switzerland, called chlorophyll "concentrated sun power." He said, "Chlorophyll increases the function of the heart, affects the vascular system, the intestines, the uterus, and the lungs.... It is therefore a tonic which, considering its stimulating properties, cannot be compared with any other. "
37.According to Dr. Bircher, nature uses chlorophyll (wheatgrass) as a body cleanser, rebuilder, and neutralizer of toxins.
38.Wheatgrass juice can dissolve the scars that are formed in the lungs from breathing acid gasses. The effect of carbon monoxide is minimized since chlorophyll increases hemoglobin production.
39. Wheatgrass juice reduces high blood pressure as it enhances the capillaries.
40. Wheatgrass juice can remove heavy metals from the body.
http://www.hippocratesinst.org/Wheatgrass/Benefits-of-Wheatgrass.aspx
WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT WHEATGRASS JUICE?
1.Wheatgrass juice is 70% chlorophyll.
2.Chlorophyll is the first product of light and contains more light energy than any other element.
3.Wheatgrass juice is a crude chlorophyll and can be taken orally and as a colon implant without toxic side effects.
4.Chlorophyll is the basis of all plant life.
5.Wheatgrass is high in oxygen like all green plants that contain chlorophyll. The brain and all body tissues function at an optimal level in a highly oxygenated environment.
6.Chlorophyll is anti-bacterial and can be used inside and outside the body as a healer.
7.Renowned nutritionist Dr. Bernard Jensen says that it only takes minutes to digest wheatgrass juice and it uses up very little body energy.
8.Science has proven that chlorophyll arrests growth and development of harmful bacteria.
9.Chlorophyll (wheatgrass) rebuilds the bloodstream. Studies of various animals have shown chlorophyll to be free of any toxic reaction. The red cell count was returned to normal with four to five days of the administration of chlorophyll, even in those animals that were known to be extremely anemic or low in red cell count.
10.Farmers in the American midwest who have sterile cows and bulls put them on wheatgrass to restore fertility. (The high magnesium content in chlorophyll builds enzymes that restore the sex hormones.)
11.Chlorophyll can be extracted from many plants, but wheatgrass is superior because it has been found to have over 100 elements needed by man. If grown in organic soil, it absorbs 92 of the known 102 minerals from the soil.
12.Wheatgrass has what is called the "grass juice factor," which has been shown to keep herbivorous animals alive indefinitely.
13.Dr. Ann Wigmore helped people get well from chronic disorders for 30 years using wheatgrass.
14.Liquid chlorophyll gets into the tissues, refines them, and rebuilds and rejuvenates them.
15.Wheatgrass juice is a superior detoxification agent compared to carrot juice and other fruits and vegetables. Dr. Earp Thomas, an associate of the late Ann Wigmore, says that 15 pounds of wheatgrass is the equivalent of 350 pounds of carrots, lettuce, celery, and so on.
16.Liquid chlorophyll washes drug deposits from the body.
17.Chlorophyll neutralizes toxins in the body.
18. Chlorophyll helps purify the liver.
19. Chlorophyll improves blood sugar problems.
20.Wheatgrass juice cures acne and even removes scars after it has been ingested for seven to eight months. The diet must be improved at the same time.
21.In the 1940 American Journal of Surgery, Benjamin Cruskin, MD recommended chlorophyll to: clear up foul-smelling odors, neutralize strep infections, heal wounds, hasten skin grafting, cure chronic sinusitis, overcome chronic inner-ear inflammation and infections, reduce varicose veins and heal leg ulcers, eliminate impetigo and other scabby eruptions, heal rectal sores, successfully treat inflammation of the uterine cervix, get rid of parasitic vaginal infections, reduce typhoid fever, and cure advanced pyorrhea in many cases.
22. Wheatgrass juice acts as a detergent in the body and is used as a body deodorant.
23.A small amount of wheatgrass juice in the human diet prevents tooth decay.
24.Wheatgrass juice held in the mouth for 5 minutes will eliminate toothaches and poisons from gums.
25.Gargle with wheatgrass juice for a sore throat.
26. For pyorrhea of the mouth, lay pulp of wheatgrass soaked in juice on diseased area in mouth or chew wheatgrass. Spit outthe pulp.
27.Drink wheatgrass juice for skin problems such as eczema or psoriasis.
28.Wheatgrass juice keeps the hair from graying.
29.By taking wheatgrass juice, one may feel a difference in strength, endurance, health, and spirituality and experience a sense of well-being.
30.Wheatgrass juice improves the digestion.
31. It is great for blood disorders of all kinds.
32. Wheatgrass juice is high in enzymes.
33.Wheatgrass juice is an excellent skin cleanser and can be absorbed through the skin for nutrition. Pour green juice over your body in a tub of warm water and soak for 15 to 20 minutes. Rinse off with cool water.
34.Wheatgrass implants (enemas) are great for healing and detoxifying the colon walls. The implants also heal and cleanse the internal organs. After an enema, wait 20 minutes, then implant 4-ounces of wheatgrass juice. Retain or 20 minutes.
35. Wheatgrass juice is great for constipation and keeping the bowels open. It is high in magnesium.
36.Dr. Max Bircher, a research scientist, inventor of muesli, and founder of the famed Bircher-Benner Clinic in Zurich, Switzerland, called chlorophyll "concentrated sun power." He said, "Chlorophyll increases the function of the heart, affects the vascular system, the intestines, the uterus, and the lungs.... It is therefore a tonic which, considering its stimulating properties, cannot be compared with any other. "
37.According to Dr. Bircher, nature uses chlorophyll (wheatgrass) as a body cleanser, rebuilder, and neutralizer of toxins.
38.Wheatgrass juice can dissolve the scars that are formed in the lungs from breathing acid gasses. The effect of carbon monoxide is minimized since chlorophyll increases hemoglobin production.
39. Wheatgrass juice reduces high blood pressure as it enhances the capillaries.
40. Wheatgrass juice can remove heavy metals from the body.
http://www.hippocratesinst.org/Wheatgrass/Benefits-of-Wheatgrass.aspx
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
MRI
Today Mom and I took a trip to Omaha to Creighton for another MRI. Apparently no one in Sioux City knows how to read boob MRI's, I'm told.
I totally forgot about the IV part of the MRI. They are doing some remodeling so my test was in a semi truck :) I can only use one arm for needle sticks, blood pressure and such because I've had lymphnodes removed. Of course, the lady was having problems finding a good vein to start the IV. She said that chemo ruins the veins, which is why she had no problem starting it last time, other than a little slip of the finger and blood on the floor, very minor compared to today's. First stick to the top of the hand instantly started swelling. Didn't realize it had blown a vein until they slid me into the machine and started the dye going in and it was burning, burning, burning so she ended up taking out the IV.
Second stick to the crotch of the arm, in the "prepunched holes" she called them-where the scars are from my weekly blood draws- also started swelling instantly so she backed it out.
Next they called other parts of the hospital to have an expert come in and give it a go. After about 20 minutes a nurse from the ER came and tried the outside elbow of my arm, then the top of the hand again- then another part of the hand until she spotted a good one in my thumb and one in my pointer finger. When she told the first nurse to hold my hand because it was gonna hurt, I knew that wasn't good! But it finally worked- after about 45 minutes, 6 pokes and about a pint of blood on the floor.
MRI started and finished, about 5 minutes before I was done I felt my hand getting warm, but I couldnt' tell if it was really warm or if it was just getting hot from hanging out the top of the tube over my head. When she slid me out of the machine, I said "I'm leaking!" There was blood all over my hand, all over the tube and left a trail of blood all through the tube where she had pulled me out. She started unwrapping my hand because they had taped my hand together so the good poke they had wouldn't move and BAM!! the IV needle thing shot out of my hand and back into the tube about 10 feet away! She said she had never seen anything like that before- glad I could give her some additional experience :) There was blood EVERYWHERE! All over me, the tube, the floor, the bed, EVERYWHERE! They had to put a glove on my hand so I could get dressed and not get blood all over my clothes, but ended up going into the bathroom because it wouldn't wash off with the tiny alcohol pads in the semi.
No results yet, should be a couple days but hopefully before Christmas so I don't have to wait through a long weekend! I am bruised and swollen all over my hand and arm, what a day!
I totally forgot about the IV part of the MRI. They are doing some remodeling so my test was in a semi truck :) I can only use one arm for needle sticks, blood pressure and such because I've had lymphnodes removed. Of course, the lady was having problems finding a good vein to start the IV. She said that chemo ruins the veins, which is why she had no problem starting it last time, other than a little slip of the finger and blood on the floor, very minor compared to today's. First stick to the top of the hand instantly started swelling. Didn't realize it had blown a vein until they slid me into the machine and started the dye going in and it was burning, burning, burning so she ended up taking out the IV.
Second stick to the crotch of the arm, in the "prepunched holes" she called them-where the scars are from my weekly blood draws- also started swelling instantly so she backed it out.
Next they called other parts of the hospital to have an expert come in and give it a go. After about 20 minutes a nurse from the ER came and tried the outside elbow of my arm, then the top of the hand again- then another part of the hand until she spotted a good one in my thumb and one in my pointer finger. When she told the first nurse to hold my hand because it was gonna hurt, I knew that wasn't good! But it finally worked- after about 45 minutes, 6 pokes and about a pint of blood on the floor.
MRI started and finished, about 5 minutes before I was done I felt my hand getting warm, but I couldnt' tell if it was really warm or if it was just getting hot from hanging out the top of the tube over my head. When she slid me out of the machine, I said "I'm leaking!" There was blood all over my hand, all over the tube and left a trail of blood all through the tube where she had pulled me out. She started unwrapping my hand because they had taped my hand together so the good poke they had wouldn't move and BAM!! the IV needle thing shot out of my hand and back into the tube about 10 feet away! She said she had never seen anything like that before- glad I could give her some additional experience :) There was blood EVERYWHERE! All over me, the tube, the floor, the bed, EVERYWHERE! They had to put a glove on my hand so I could get dressed and not get blood all over my clothes, but ended up going into the bathroom because it wouldn't wash off with the tiny alcohol pads in the semi.
No results yet, should be a couple days but hopefully before Christmas so I don't have to wait through a long weekend! I am bruised and swollen all over my hand and arm, what a day!
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Radiation
I met with the Radiation Doctor on Thursday. I'm going to have 30 treatments to the entire breast area, the last 5 of those will be pinpointed directly to the spot where the cancer is. He said I didn't need to have radiation to my armpit area to get the lymphnodes because they didn't feel there would be any increased benefit since there was only one teeny-tiny spot on one lymphnode that was bad. Also, the way the that the radiation will hit that boob, it will also reach that same area of the lymphnodes so it will get some radiation to that area.
On Tuesday the 29th, I'll go back in to get my tattoo markers. There will be 4 pin point marks tattood on my chest area that will line up the lasers. Maybe I can make a special request for a design or color of some sort, probably not....
I will have to see the doctor every Tuesday as well as a nutritionist since apparently having proper nutrition during radiation helps dramatically- whatever :) There shouldn't be any serious side-effects of the radiation, other than fatigue and skin irritation. I can't wear any bras that have underwire because it will rub on the site and make the irritation worse. I also have to wear some special deodorant that doesn't have aluminum. They said it's not the best stuff, but that's all I can wear. There's also only one certain lotion I can wear, it's like vaseline.
On Tuesday the 29th, I'll go back in to get my tattoo markers. There will be 4 pin point marks tattood on my chest area that will line up the lasers. Maybe I can make a special request for a design or color of some sort, probably not....
I will have to see the doctor every Tuesday as well as a nutritionist since apparently having proper nutrition during radiation helps dramatically- whatever :) There shouldn't be any serious side-effects of the radiation, other than fatigue and skin irritation. I can't wear any bras that have underwire because it will rub on the site and make the irritation worse. I also have to wear some special deodorant that doesn't have aluminum. They said it's not the best stuff, but that's all I can wear. There's also only one certain lotion I can wear, it's like vaseline.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Last Chemo
My last Chemo was December 11th. I didn't know it was going to be until I saw the doctor. He confirmed that I'd had enough.
There is a bell in the waiting room that any time someone finishes their chemo they get to ring. There had been two others who finished before me that day before I got to ring the bell! My mom made me pause for this picture, otherwise it was a ring and run. Everyone starts clapping and yelling. I almost made it out the door until the social worker that always makes us cry stopped me and gave me a hug. She said "I bet your glad it's over, huh?" that was all I needed to start crying, Mom too. I look like a giant puffy marshmellow in the picture :)
There is a bell in the waiting room that any time someone finishes their chemo they get to ring. There had been two others who finished before me that day before I got to ring the bell! My mom made me pause for this picture, otherwise it was a ring and run. Everyone starts clapping and yelling. I almost made it out the door until the social worker that always makes us cry stopped me and gave me a hug. She said "I bet your glad it's over, huh?" that was all I needed to start crying, Mom too. I look like a giant puffy marshmellow in the picture :)
I didn't feel well all weekend but managed to get to my friend's wedding. I saw the church ceremony and headed back home immediately after. I slept most of the weekend but made it in to work on Monday.
I'm still getting my blood drawn quite a bit as on Friday it was "off the charts"- too thin. Monday when it was checked it was better, but still a bit thin so they keep lowering my coumadin dose.
I'm so glad I'm done with chemo! Next up, radiation
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
I'm back at it today! Feeling much better. A co-worker made a comment to me today that 'I was in much better spirits' today compared to yesterday, because yesterday I told her if she didn't leave me alone she was gonna end up with my fist in her nose. She was having a very UP day, and I was having a very DOWN day, and we just weren't meshing well :)
Tonight I went over to see the boys and talked to Chris and Amy about my health insurance plan changes for work for 2010. It's totally stressing me out and I thought I was gonna start bawling sitting there talking about it. Taxes, flex, deductible nearly doubling...and no end in sight for when I'm done with my chemo- an unfavorable combination!
Tomorrow we are going to Disney on Ice Finding Nemo! I think I'm just as excited about it as the boys are! I hope it's not too cold in there, my head is quite frosty these days!
Tonight I went over to see the boys and talked to Chris and Amy about my health insurance plan changes for work for 2010. It's totally stressing me out and I thought I was gonna start bawling sitting there talking about it. Taxes, flex, deductible nearly doubling...and no end in sight for when I'm done with my chemo- an unfavorable combination!
Tomorrow we are going to Disney on Ice Finding Nemo! I think I'm just as excited about it as the boys are! I hope it's not too cold in there, my head is quite frosty these days!
Monday, December 7, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Too good to be true!
I knew there was no way I was finished with chemo by their calculations. Yesterday I was scheduled for two more sessions after the one I had yesterday, which takes me to next Friday and Christmas Eve day.
While I got my chemo yesterday I cut out snowflakes for work, they were cute and the nurses all wondering what the heck I was doing.
I was pretty tired immediately after leaving the cancer center last night, came home and Amy took me to get groceries since I hadn't eaten a meal here since I got out of the hospital and had no food in the house for at least 3 weeks.
I was up pretty early today, pretty tired though.
While I got my chemo yesterday I cut out snowflakes for work, they were cute and the nurses all wondering what the heck I was doing.
I was pretty tired immediately after leaving the cancer center last night, came home and Amy took me to get groceries since I hadn't eaten a meal here since I got out of the hospital and had no food in the house for at least 3 weeks.
I was up pretty early today, pretty tired though.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Back to work
I'm cleared to go back to work tomorrow! It took several phone calls to get the note in my hands, but I have it and I'm going.
Planning on getting as much work done as possible in these three days before I'm off again.
I got the house cleaned up tonight, there's been Christmas stuff hanging out all week and got the tree up yesterday, so it's time to get everything back in it's place before I have some sort of siezure! :) Even got lights up on the back deck! It will be perfect for the New Years Eve Soiree!
Planning on getting as much work done as possible in these three days before I'm off again.
I got the house cleaned up tonight, there's been Christmas stuff hanging out all week and got the tree up yesterday, so it's time to get everything back in it's place before I have some sort of siezure! :) Even got lights up on the back deck! It will be perfect for the New Years Eve Soiree!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Out! and about...
Got released today! They repeated the ultrasound this morning and found there is still some clotting behind my knee and in my ankle, but there is blood flow in my thigh and calf, just not all connecting to each other. Got a bit of bad news before I left though...more chemo next Friday.
Mom and I went to my house quick and packed my bag to go to my mom's for the weekend. Swelling is down and looking forward to Thanksgiving!
Mom and I went to my house quick and packed my bag to go to my mom's for the weekend. Swelling is down and looking forward to Thanksgiving!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
It's been a long week. I'm still scheduled to be released tomorrow. Dr hasn't said much to me the last few mornings during rounds, he seems to be more interested in what's on tv than me! :)
The lack of sleep and constant wake up calls during the night are getting really old and I'm getting a little cranky with the nurses. Last night they woke me up twice to ask me if I had to go potty. Are you kidding me? I said No and they asked me when the last time I went was, I told them around 9 pm before I went to bed. Then when they woke me up the second time I said, I know when I have to go to the bathroom, I don't normally wake up in the middle of the night to go.' But that also doesn't mean that I sleep through the urge and pee the bed either.
I've had a lot of visitors this week. Looking forward to getting out tomorrow. They are going to repeat the ultrasound before I leave to make sure the heparin has been doing its job. If its not, I hope they don't think I'm staying! My brother told me today I'd be sitting here alone on Thanksgiving. My aunt Kathy brought me some Stove Top so I wouldn't have to rush to the store when I got released to get some. I refuse to eat that homemade stuffing- can't do it! Best stuff comes from a box!
The lack of sleep and constant wake up calls during the night are getting really old and I'm getting a little cranky with the nurses. Last night they woke me up twice to ask me if I had to go potty. Are you kidding me? I said No and they asked me when the last time I went was, I told them around 9 pm before I went to bed. Then when they woke me up the second time I said, I know when I have to go to the bathroom, I don't normally wake up in the middle of the night to go.' But that also doesn't mean that I sleep through the urge and pee the bed either.
I've had a lot of visitors this week. Looking forward to getting out tomorrow. They are going to repeat the ultrasound before I leave to make sure the heparin has been doing its job. If its not, I hope they don't think I'm staying! My brother told me today I'd be sitting here alone on Thanksgiving. My aunt Kathy brought me some Stove Top so I wouldn't have to rush to the store when I got released to get some. I refuse to eat that homemade stuffing- can't do it! Best stuff comes from a box!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Last night Janna and Jolee came to visit me. Janna made me the cutest paintings for my office! It says "A laugh is a smile that bursts!" It's so cute- we were shopping in Michaels on one happening Saturday night and I found a wall hanging that had that phrase on it, I thought it was the cutest thing ever, only to be outdone by these hangings Janna painted!
Marit from work came to see me too. We talked about re-instituting the 5:01 club on Friday nights in bars around town- an old BGH tradition apparently. Yeah, this week's 5:01 club meeting was far from where I wanted it. I'd prefer a bar over a hospital anyday!
So I've moved on to pretending I'm sleeping when I'm not. During the night, I'm woken up about every hour for some reason or another- during the day seems like no one is here at all! I've been dumping my own pee since they are measuring what's going in and what's coming out in some little attachment in the toilet.
OK, since I've been writing this I've had 2 nurses in here checking vitals and asking me questions. Seriously? I haven't seen anyone for hours. My lunch tray sat here for hours...I'm just crabby...
On rounds this morning, my doctor told me I need to be patient because they are really going to take their time on this blood clot to make sure it's dissolved this time. I'm not sure what that means, I hope it doesn't mean, I'll be here longer than a week! Mom and I were watching Hairspray, and I think he was more interested in that! :)
Chris brought the boys up today, they were pretty cute watching the helicopter and eating their M&M's.
Long day...
Marit from work came to see me too. We talked about re-instituting the 5:01 club on Friday nights in bars around town- an old BGH tradition apparently. Yeah, this week's 5:01 club meeting was far from where I wanted it. I'd prefer a bar over a hospital anyday!
So I've moved on to pretending I'm sleeping when I'm not. During the night, I'm woken up about every hour for some reason or another- during the day seems like no one is here at all! I've been dumping my own pee since they are measuring what's going in and what's coming out in some little attachment in the toilet.
OK, since I've been writing this I've had 2 nurses in here checking vitals and asking me questions. Seriously? I haven't seen anyone for hours. My lunch tray sat here for hours...I'm just crabby...
On rounds this morning, my doctor told me I need to be patient because they are really going to take their time on this blood clot to make sure it's dissolved this time. I'm not sure what that means, I hope it doesn't mean, I'll be here longer than a week! Mom and I were watching Hairspray, and I think he was more interested in that! :)
Chris brought the boys up today, they were pretty cute watching the helicopter and eating their M&M's.
Long day...
Thursday, November 19, 2009
I'm a little irritable this morning after a long night, and didn't get any sleep after things finally setteled down. I was woken up about every half hour of the 4 hours of sleep I was trying to get. Mom stayed in the recliner in my room, and ended up moving into the family waiting room becuase the chair was so uncomfortable. I was woken up to get vitals and even to take a prilosec pill around 5 am- seriously? Is that necessary? I don't know why I'm even taking them?
I was able to get some work done and "unschedule" some things I had on my calendar. I'm totally stressed about yet another hospital stay, more time off work, holiday coming up- it's all very stressful. I hate being waited on, I'm very independent so this drives me nuts.
After school, Toni came up, followed by Chris and Amy and the boys and, of course Mom. They moved me to another room across the unit that was a much bigger room. The room I was in barely had enough room for my IV pole, which I had to unplug and pull with me to the bathroom- Yes, I was granted bathroom privlidges which is the only reason this is tolerable! The pole was getting caught in the curtains and running over all the cords, it was not cool. So I gave up my seat to the parade on Monday to move into a much larger room- which has a couch and pull out bed for my mom to sleep on. She said it's not bad to sleep on, so that's good.
I've had some very good nurses who have been entertaining me by coming in and just talking. It's very lonely around here.
Counting down the days!
I was able to get some work done and "unschedule" some things I had on my calendar. I'm totally stressed about yet another hospital stay, more time off work, holiday coming up- it's all very stressful. I hate being waited on, I'm very independent so this drives me nuts.
After school, Toni came up, followed by Chris and Amy and the boys and, of course Mom. They moved me to another room across the unit that was a much bigger room. The room I was in barely had enough room for my IV pole, which I had to unplug and pull with me to the bathroom- Yes, I was granted bathroom privlidges which is the only reason this is tolerable! The pole was getting caught in the curtains and running over all the cords, it was not cool. So I gave up my seat to the parade on Monday to move into a much larger room- which has a couch and pull out bed for my mom to sleep on. She said it's not bad to sleep on, so that's good.
I've had some very good nurses who have been entertaining me by coming in and just talking. It's very lonely around here.
Counting down the days!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
A little bit of history repeating..
So Wednesdasy night I worked a bit late (because I've been feeling good and try to fit in extra time when I can). Came home and Kim and I ordered wings from Townhouse- best wings ever! Just kinda hung out, my foot kept falling asleep so I had elevated it a bit.
That night around 10 I went in to get ready to bed and when I took my socks and pants off, this is what I saw!
It was red, hot and painful to the touch. Crap! I really don't have time for this! I took this picture and sent it to my mom, it took a while for her to write back so I thought maybe I was off the hook. I thought about just going to bed and worrying about it in the morning. But I was supposed to present at a training session in the morning so I didn't really have time to deal with it then either. Mom wrote back and told me to call the On-Call at the cancer center so I did.
The Dr that I had had for my back surgery was on call, I had requested to be treated by Dr Doodlebop instead of that doctor because I just really liked Db. The other doctor apparently is the smartest man in the world, I'm told by just about everyone- but doesn't so much have the bedside manner that I wanted when I was dealing with the big C. So that makes things wierd when he's on call so that's who I have to see. I wonder if he knows I requested the other doctor over him? I hope not! That makes wierdness..
Anyway, when he called me back, I explained that I had a blood clot in this same leg not even 2 months ago and its swollen just like it was then, but it was also now red, hot and painful, which it wasn't before. That's why I never thought my blood clot was anything to worry about before I had been admitted- because when I had my first blood clot in college (2002) it was extremely painful. I was doubled over in pain for days! This one now isn't that bad, but still hurts.
He told me to go to the ER and he would call and have someone ready to do an ultrasound when I got there. I asked if it could wait till tomorrow, and he said it was a bit too concerning to him, to wait overnight. I didn't think it was even possible for me to get another blood clot when I'm on coumadin, but he told me it only provides some protection against forming new clots- WTF? Why even bother then? My blood tests that had been done on Friday-just 5 days ago- were perfect, for the first time since I'd been on coumadin.
I called Mom and she said she was already packing her bag so I told her he wanted me in the ER for an ultrasound. I knew I wasn't coming home....damnit! I jumped in the shower really fast and gave my legs a quick shave since someone was going to be touching them and looking at them. The hairgrowth is quite strange these days, kinda like crop circles. I didn't want to scare anyone.
When we got to the ER- which is the scariest place in the world at 11 pm. I'd never been to an ER ever until this year, now apparently I'm on the frequent patient list since this is now the 3rd time this year! They told me the Doc had actually come in and was going to see me. They put me and mom in a room and he came in shortly after. Then I went for an ultrasound- they pushed my bed down the hall and left me there, said someone would be out shortly to get me. And then out comes my old pal Molly! She lives next to my grandma and we played Barbies everyday till we were like 16 I think. Ok, maybe not that long. At first I thought maybe this was going to be wierd, being nearly naked and all in front of an old friend, but it wasn't at all. We got caught up and she did the ultrasound until the doctor came in, then we shut up. I don't think he wanted to listen to us chat about our families and how creative we were with our Barbies. :)
She told him there was no blood flow past my mid theigh all the way down my leg- nada zip nothing! But there was a little something in my ankle...I couldn't hardly feel her little wand tool at all when she was doing the test.
So, I was admitted back to 7SE, Oncology unit. The only plus about having cancer is that you always get your own room in the hospital! My room over looked the Promenade, where the holiday parade is going to be on Monday night! Best seat in the house since the doctor told me I'd be here for a week getting Heparin. It was 2:30 when they got me admitted and IV's running. I was exhausted, I had already taken my sleepy-time meds before I started getting ready for bed! 6 hours later I wa definitely ready to sleep!
That night around 10 I went in to get ready to bed and when I took my socks and pants off, this is what I saw!
It was red, hot and painful to the touch. Crap! I really don't have time for this! I took this picture and sent it to my mom, it took a while for her to write back so I thought maybe I was off the hook. I thought about just going to bed and worrying about it in the morning. But I was supposed to present at a training session in the morning so I didn't really have time to deal with it then either. Mom wrote back and told me to call the On-Call at the cancer center so I did.
The Dr that I had had for my back surgery was on call, I had requested to be treated by Dr Doodlebop instead of that doctor because I just really liked Db. The other doctor apparently is the smartest man in the world, I'm told by just about everyone- but doesn't so much have the bedside manner that I wanted when I was dealing with the big C. So that makes things wierd when he's on call so that's who I have to see. I wonder if he knows I requested the other doctor over him? I hope not! That makes wierdness..
Anyway, when he called me back, I explained that I had a blood clot in this same leg not even 2 months ago and its swollen just like it was then, but it was also now red, hot and painful, which it wasn't before. That's why I never thought my blood clot was anything to worry about before I had been admitted- because when I had my first blood clot in college (2002) it was extremely painful. I was doubled over in pain for days! This one now isn't that bad, but still hurts.
He told me to go to the ER and he would call and have someone ready to do an ultrasound when I got there. I asked if it could wait till tomorrow, and he said it was a bit too concerning to him, to wait overnight. I didn't think it was even possible for me to get another blood clot when I'm on coumadin, but he told me it only provides some protection against forming new clots- WTF? Why even bother then? My blood tests that had been done on Friday-just 5 days ago- were perfect, for the first time since I'd been on coumadin.
I called Mom and she said she was already packing her bag so I told her he wanted me in the ER for an ultrasound. I knew I wasn't coming home....damnit! I jumped in the shower really fast and gave my legs a quick shave since someone was going to be touching them and looking at them. The hairgrowth is quite strange these days, kinda like crop circles. I didn't want to scare anyone.
When we got to the ER- which is the scariest place in the world at 11 pm. I'd never been to an ER ever until this year, now apparently I'm on the frequent patient list since this is now the 3rd time this year! They told me the Doc had actually come in and was going to see me. They put me and mom in a room and he came in shortly after. Then I went for an ultrasound- they pushed my bed down the hall and left me there, said someone would be out shortly to get me. And then out comes my old pal Molly! She lives next to my grandma and we played Barbies everyday till we were like 16 I think. Ok, maybe not that long. At first I thought maybe this was going to be wierd, being nearly naked and all in front of an old friend, but it wasn't at all. We got caught up and she did the ultrasound until the doctor came in, then we shut up. I don't think he wanted to listen to us chat about our families and how creative we were with our Barbies. :)
She told him there was no blood flow past my mid theigh all the way down my leg- nada zip nothing! But there was a little something in my ankle...I couldn't hardly feel her little wand tool at all when she was doing the test.
So, I was admitted back to 7SE, Oncology unit. The only plus about having cancer is that you always get your own room in the hospital! My room over looked the Promenade, where the holiday parade is going to be on Monday night! Best seat in the house since the doctor told me I'd be here for a week getting Heparin. It was 2:30 when they got me admitted and IV's running. I was exhausted, I had already taken my sleepy-time meds before I started getting ready for bed! 6 hours later I wa definitely ready to sleep!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
ok So I've caught a little hell for not updating much lately. That's good news, that means I'm feeling better! :) I've been on outings to the bar after work with co-workers and had a great time! It's been a long time since I've had any Party! That was great
Saturday Kim and I cleaned house! Well past due, still didn't get everything done that I wanted done because I spend Sunday on the couch being incredibly lazy with a swollen foot (more on that later).
Saturday night was my pal Becky's Bachellorette party at a mexican resturant in town that I'd never been to. Janna came over and we got ready- it takes me all of 5 minutes to get ready. She brought me over some bronzer that she had that she didn't like once she bought it. I'd been complaining that I'm pasty white and my skin is dry and breaking out. I could use a little TLC on the face. Anyway, as we were getting ready I mentioned to Janna that the worse part of the hairloss is the beaming white scalp that is ever so obvious. So, I mentioned that I should put bronzer on my scalp. After laughing so hard for 20 minutes, we could hardly catch our breath, but I dabbed the bronzer on- I don't think you could tell at all, but we joked that it would sparkle like the sun! Maybe it would draw more attention with the bronzer than without!
The other idea that I had was to spray paint the top of my head, so I would look less like Charlie Brown. I'm pretty much bald on top with like 6 hairs and a gleaming white scalp- So I think a nice layer of brown flat spraypaint would look good! You watch, the next time you see Charlie Browm, you'll think of me....
My leg was pretty swollen up on Sunday so I took the day off from cleaning. I thought I was going to have a heart attack scrubbing anyway, a break was much needed!
Saturday Kim and I cleaned house! Well past due, still didn't get everything done that I wanted done because I spend Sunday on the couch being incredibly lazy with a swollen foot (more on that later).
Saturday night was my pal Becky's Bachellorette party at a mexican resturant in town that I'd never been to. Janna came over and we got ready- it takes me all of 5 minutes to get ready. She brought me over some bronzer that she had that she didn't like once she bought it. I'd been complaining that I'm pasty white and my skin is dry and breaking out. I could use a little TLC on the face. Anyway, as we were getting ready I mentioned to Janna that the worse part of the hairloss is the beaming white scalp that is ever so obvious. So, I mentioned that I should put bronzer on my scalp. After laughing so hard for 20 minutes, we could hardly catch our breath, but I dabbed the bronzer on- I don't think you could tell at all, but we joked that it would sparkle like the sun! Maybe it would draw more attention with the bronzer than without!
The other idea that I had was to spray paint the top of my head, so I would look less like Charlie Brown. I'm pretty much bald on top with like 6 hairs and a gleaming white scalp- So I think a nice layer of brown flat spraypaint would look good! You watch, the next time you see Charlie Browm, you'll think of me....
My leg was pretty swollen up on Sunday so I took the day off from cleaning. I thought I was going to have a heart attack scrubbing anyway, a break was much needed!
Friday, November 6, 2009
good news?
I got to see me Dr Doodlebop for my chemo today. A little good news? Maybe, he told me that my last chemo will be Nov. 20th. What? I said! I thought I had a long way to go yet! I thought I had 6 cycles to go after they changed my drugs, like two cycles ago. He said that I was just having a total of 6 cycles. Seems a bit too good to be true. I had counted that I'd be in treatment till the end of January. I still haven't had a full dose during one treatment since I switched last month. When we were done with the doc, i went back to the waiting room and counted out all the cycles on my calendar, I counted that I'm starting my 5th cycle on the 20th- so I'm not going to make any plans quite yet. Still expecting the phone call where they call and say "oh, sorry, we miscounted. You'll be here for a long, long time yet." So I had my treatment and mom and I went out to Grandma's because my uncle was visiting from Seattle.
I thought that phone call I was expecting had come when I had missed 2 calls from the Cancer Center. When another random cell phone called me, I answered, it was my doc- just telling me to increase some of my pills. Still haven't figured out that this might not be right yet!
I thought that phone call I was expecting had come when I had missed 2 calls from the Cancer Center. When another random cell phone called me, I answered, it was my doc- just telling me to increase some of my pills. Still haven't figured out that this might not be right yet!
Sunday, November 1, 2009
I had chemo again on Friday, talk about a damper for Halloween weekend! I'm pretty exhausted and tummy is sensitive. I put out my halloween lights on Friday just in time for Saturday trick-or-treating, which I slept on the couch for. Too tired to hand out candy this year!
I had to see the doctor that I preferred not to on Friday. I had him look at my ear because it's driving me crazy! I can't hear anything out of it and I can hear fluid rolling around in there when I move my head. He said my ear isn't plugged but it doesn't look right so I should go see my family doc who will probably send me to an ENT specialist- or I'll just wait until my cold is gone to see if it goes away.
I had to see the doctor that I preferred not to on Friday. I had him look at my ear because it's driving me crazy! I can't hear anything out of it and I can hear fluid rolling around in there when I move my head. He said my ear isn't plugged but it doesn't look right so I should go see my family doc who will probably send me to an ENT specialist- or I'll just wait until my cold is gone to see if it goes away.
Monday, October 19, 2009
My eyes are down here!
I had a meeting today with a lady who stared at my bald spot/ thinning hair the entire time. I'm not sure how many people who are not on my floor at work are aware of my situation- either way, stop staring! Yes, I'm aware but I'd like to stay in denial a bit longer, thank you!
It seems to have stopped falling out in the past week, so I'm at an awkward in between stage where I have plenty of good hair 'round back, but not a lot going on upstairs....what to do?
It seems to have stopped falling out in the past week, so I'm at an awkward in between stage where I have plenty of good hair 'round back, but not a lot going on upstairs....what to do?
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Sponsored by the American Cancer Society...
That's me! Apparently that's their big ad campaign, bringing my 30th Birthday yesterday! That's a lot of pressure, because 6 months ago, I surely didn't think I'd be turning 30 looking forward to getting a good 11 hours sleep!
Given what I was feeling up to doing, I had a great birthday! I got to work (which I haven't been working Mondays following treatment) and found that my fabulous coworkers had decorated my hallway and my office! It was one giant party all day long! Everyone was stopping in to say hello, followed by an awesome cheesecake dessert after lunch with the girls in my department.
After work, my family came over- Finn sang Happy Birthday to me, it was one of the highlights of the day, too cute! We ordered dinner in and had a little cake, followed by a little couch time and early turn-in to bed...perfect!
Given what I was feeling up to doing, I had a great birthday! I got to work (which I haven't been working Mondays following treatment) and found that my fabulous coworkers had decorated my hallway and my office! It was one giant party all day long! Everyone was stopping in to say hello, followed by an awesome cheesecake dessert after lunch with the girls in my department.
After work, my family came over- Finn sang Happy Birthday to me, it was one of the highlights of the day, too cute! We ordered dinner in and had a little cake, followed by a little couch time and early turn-in to bed...perfect!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Much better
This week's chemo was much better than the previous week's. I had quite a bit of nausea last week that did me in! I lost 8 pounds because I didn't eat for about 5 days, even the smell of things made me want to barf. I was carrying around a bottle of air freshener to control my gag reflex! Now, trying some stronger nausea pills to overcome some of that- they're crazy expensive (about $125 a per pill) but it costs me much more than that to miss work.
Had a busy weekend, took the boys out to ride some train thing in Kingsley- Finn loved it. Then went to Travis and Leslie's baby shower, followed by a quick trip home to get dressed to meet Janna for dinner. So yes! Things were much better this week on the different pills!
I was pretty wiped out on Saturday night by the time I got home, but it felt awesome to make plans and follow thorough on them! Sunday I hung out at home and slept most of the day.
Had a busy weekend, took the boys out to ride some train thing in Kingsley- Finn loved it. Then went to Travis and Leslie's baby shower, followed by a quick trip home to get dressed to meet Janna for dinner. So yes! Things were much better this week on the different pills!
I was pretty wiped out on Saturday night by the time I got home, but it felt awesome to make plans and follow thorough on them! Sunday I hung out at home and slept most of the day.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Breast Cancer Awareness Month
So it's officially Breast Cancer Awareness Month! I suppose it's a good thing to make people aware of the issues, risks and what to look for. It's also a great excuse to have your aunt make you pink colored kringla cookies for all your pals at the Cancer Center! Thanks Kath!
I heard some commercials on the radio last night that kinda honked me off though- the "i'm not gonna cry because I have cancer, cancer won't beat me!" song and dance. I think that if you don't cry because you have cancer, there is something seriously wrong with you! Hell, I cry nearly everday and I don't think there's anything wrong with that! Makes me more thankful for what I have and when I feel good. Kind of puts things into perspective when you're actually sick! :)
I had a bit of a rough weekend, felt sick to my stomach- still kind of do. I made it to Finn's birthday party on Saturday! Yay- I'll always get out of bed for a cupcake loaded in frosting!
My liver enzymes were too high on Friday to get my entire dose of chemo since it's processed through the liver, so I now have to go back this Friday to get the other half of my dose. Boo! It's birthday weekend! What's worse than turning 30? Turning 30 and having chemo! :) BTW I'm using a lot of smiley faces because I'm not really bitter- i just like to point out the irony in most everything, because R U FN KIDDING ME? with all this cancer business in the first place? :) --another one...
I stayed home from work on Monday and part of Tuesday, I was completely exhausted and couldn't eat anything. I had to go in for a blood draw on Monday and ended up leaving before I saw the nurse becuase I thought I was gonna barf right there in the waiting room, so it was a keep your mouth closed, don't talk to anyone or puke will literally come out, kinda exit!
I heard some commercials on the radio last night that kinda honked me off though- the "i'm not gonna cry because I have cancer, cancer won't beat me!" song and dance. I think that if you don't cry because you have cancer, there is something seriously wrong with you! Hell, I cry nearly everday and I don't think there's anything wrong with that! Makes me more thankful for what I have and when I feel good. Kind of puts things into perspective when you're actually sick! :)
I had a bit of a rough weekend, felt sick to my stomach- still kind of do. I made it to Finn's birthday party on Saturday! Yay- I'll always get out of bed for a cupcake loaded in frosting!
My liver enzymes were too high on Friday to get my entire dose of chemo since it's processed through the liver, so I now have to go back this Friday to get the other half of my dose. Boo! It's birthday weekend! What's worse than turning 30? Turning 30 and having chemo! :) BTW I'm using a lot of smiley faces because I'm not really bitter- i just like to point out the irony in most everything, because R U FN KIDDING ME? with all this cancer business in the first place? :) --another one...
I stayed home from work on Monday and part of Tuesday, I was completely exhausted and couldn't eat anything. I had to go in for a blood draw on Monday and ended up leaving before I saw the nurse becuase I thought I was gonna barf right there in the waiting room, so it was a keep your mouth closed, don't talk to anyone or puke will literally come out, kinda exit!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Cookies for everyone!
So, Happy Breast Cancer Awareness Month everyone! Sad there needs to be a month devoted to this, but might as well make the most of it!
My Aunt Kathy made some kringla and colored them pink (so they look like little pink ribbons) for me to take to chemo tomorrow. I'm sure I'll make some new friends tomorrow!
I've made arrangements to plan in case I'm not able to make it to work on Monday- I learned my lesson last time! I wasn't prepared to not make it in, I guess I had been really lucky and feeling good so I had a full day scheduled. I couldn't even think to try to tell someone what to do to help me out. I had a full day of interviews scheduled, thankfully I work with a great team of people who are able to step up and do the interviews and carry on for me, as long as they have some direction. So, planning ahead!
I'm nervous because I'm getting a full dose of the cytoxin tomorrow, which I haven't had yet- I hope I'm not sick! I have big plans this weekend! Baby Finn turns 3! I can't believe it! But I have his party on Saturday and I really want to get out my Halloween decorations out! I love Halloween! Also, if I can get a little time for work fit in, that would help me out a lot for the coming week. See? Big plans!
My hair is sparse, to be kind. My part is about 3 inches wide and I see scalp as far as the eye can see. Janna is coming over on Sunday and I think we're going to mow it all off, but not without a few awesome pictures first! Stay posted, I hope to have the cajones to go through with it, but its definitely time, I am losing a head of hair (for most people) everyday and its very messy, falling out in bed, at work, in the shower...
Oh, BTW, I sent hate mail to TV Guide this week. I was looking online to see where the scarves that Izzy on Grays Anatomy wore last week and found an article about Izzy not wearing the scarves in future episodes because she's now wearing a wig. Anyway, in the article they printed, it made jokes about Izzy being a Pirate- are you serious? Who would say that about a cancer patient, let alone a popular TV station and magazine!! I was super PO'd and sent them hate mail. It made me feel better! :)
My Aunt Kathy made some kringla and colored them pink (so they look like little pink ribbons) for me to take to chemo tomorrow. I'm sure I'll make some new friends tomorrow!
I've made arrangements to plan in case I'm not able to make it to work on Monday- I learned my lesson last time! I wasn't prepared to not make it in, I guess I had been really lucky and feeling good so I had a full day scheduled. I couldn't even think to try to tell someone what to do to help me out. I had a full day of interviews scheduled, thankfully I work with a great team of people who are able to step up and do the interviews and carry on for me, as long as they have some direction. So, planning ahead!
I'm nervous because I'm getting a full dose of the cytoxin tomorrow, which I haven't had yet- I hope I'm not sick! I have big plans this weekend! Baby Finn turns 3! I can't believe it! But I have his party on Saturday and I really want to get out my Halloween decorations out! I love Halloween! Also, if I can get a little time for work fit in, that would help me out a lot for the coming week. See? Big plans!
My hair is sparse, to be kind. My part is about 3 inches wide and I see scalp as far as the eye can see. Janna is coming over on Sunday and I think we're going to mow it all off, but not without a few awesome pictures first! Stay posted, I hope to have the cajones to go through with it, but its definitely time, I am losing a head of hair (for most people) everyday and its very messy, falling out in bed, at work, in the shower...
Oh, BTW, I sent hate mail to TV Guide this week. I was looking online to see where the scarves that Izzy on Grays Anatomy wore last week and found an article about Izzy not wearing the scarves in future episodes because she's now wearing a wig. Anyway, in the article they printed, it made jokes about Izzy being a Pirate- are you serious? Who would say that about a cancer patient, let alone a popular TV station and magazine!! I was super PO'd and sent them hate mail. It made me feel better! :)
Monday, September 28, 2009
I'm home!
I was released from the hospital on Friday afternoon. Can't go back to work yet, but have a follow up visit today so hopefully I can return tomorrow.
Penguin came this weekend and my mom stayed here so she could give me shots! Ouch! Those hurt and leave big old bruises behind. I really hope Sunday was the last day I have to do those!
Nothing exciting here, just hanging out with my foot up....
Penguin came this weekend and my mom stayed here so she could give me shots! Ouch! Those hurt and leave big old bruises behind. I really hope Sunday was the last day I have to do those!
Nothing exciting here, just hanging out with my foot up....
Friday, September 25, 2009
Going home?
I think I'm going home today! My Family Doc- Dr. Jocye was in this morning and said my blood levels look good so I should be going home soon. Yesterday they took me off the IV and started giving me the shots that I will have to give myself at home- holy mother it burned! I could hardly hold my leg still while she did it! But Dr. J doesn't think I'll have to do them at home. I asked if the blood clot was gone or how do we know it won't break loose? He told me it would be here for months, until my body naturally absorbs it- the blood thinners will just keep my blood so that it doesn't make new clots or add to this one, it won't actually erase this clot.
I'm still working on my new book and I love it! I would love to write a book some day that someone would actually read-I think that would be awesome. I gotta make some kind of lemonade out of these lemons! I'm really trying not to include a favorite quote by Sara Silverman.
I haven't had any neighbors in the rooms next to me all week until last night. One of them is in seclusion and the other guy is completely loud and annoying me, I feel sorry for the nurses. He's been in my room twice already today to get my nurse that was in here. Back off! She's mine!
Yesterday morning after my blood draw, I took the tape off my arm where they had covered the needle hole and the skin on my arm came off with it! Man that hurts! And it's right in the crotch of my elbow so when my arm is bent, like all the time, it touches my arm and burs, burns, burns. Not cool.
Did everyone watch Gray's Anatomy last night? I must be over-medicated becase I didn't shed one tear...
I'm still working on my new book and I love it! I would love to write a book some day that someone would actually read-I think that would be awesome. I gotta make some kind of lemonade out of these lemons! I'm really trying not to include a favorite quote by Sara Silverman.
I haven't had any neighbors in the rooms next to me all week until last night. One of them is in seclusion and the other guy is completely loud and annoying me, I feel sorry for the nurses. He's been in my room twice already today to get my nurse that was in here. Back off! She's mine!
Yesterday morning after my blood draw, I took the tape off my arm where they had covered the needle hole and the skin on my arm came off with it! Man that hurts! And it's right in the crotch of my elbow so when my arm is bent, like all the time, it touches my arm and burs, burns, burns. Not cool.
Did everyone watch Gray's Anatomy last night? I must be over-medicated becase I didn't shed one tear...
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Oh Man- this is brutal! Good news is I should be able to get out of here tomorrow! I don't know if I will still be on bedrest at home, but at least I'm not here.
Last night some of my family came up, full house in here. They brought me gifts and lots of junk food. My aunt gave me a book that was passed along by her sister in law who had cancer- it's called "Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips" Its hilarious so far. It's about a 31 year old lady who was diagnosed with some rare cancer, she had tumors all over her liver and spleen I think it was. Anyway, although she's hilarious it made me thankful that there's something that can be done about my cancer, I can live without my boobs- at least it's not on any vital organs. I'm most appreciating all of her comments about how rude some people are when they find out you have cancer- most of them don't even probably realize it, but she has lots of great advice and come-backs for stupid comments and questions!
I've been looking forward to my mealtimes, but because they're good, but because it breaks up the day a bit. Other things to do today- Grey's Anatomy Premier!
Last night some of my family came up, full house in here. They brought me gifts and lots of junk food. My aunt gave me a book that was passed along by her sister in law who had cancer- it's called "Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips" Its hilarious so far. It's about a 31 year old lady who was diagnosed with some rare cancer, she had tumors all over her liver and spleen I think it was. Anyway, although she's hilarious it made me thankful that there's something that can be done about my cancer, I can live without my boobs- at least it's not on any vital organs. I'm most appreciating all of her comments about how rude some people are when they find out you have cancer- most of them don't even probably realize it, but she has lots of great advice and come-backs for stupid comments and questions!
I've been looking forward to my mealtimes, but because they're good, but because it breaks up the day a bit. Other things to do today- Grey's Anatomy Premier!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
24 Hours In...
Slept ok, when I was actually able to sleep! They came in every 2 hours to draw blood to monitor how thin it was getting. They also gave me some shots to blast the clot apart. Mom took the day off and sat with me. How boring this is! At least on the cancer floor, it's all private rooms! No one crapping on the curtain between our beds (i still have nightmares about that).
Since my doctor was on rounds at the hospital this week, I got to see him this morning. He gave me a stern scolding for not calling the on-call doctor on Sunday. Seriously, he went on for about 5 minutes. I didn't know it was this serious, or serious at all! I've had several appointments where I thought the swelling was really bad, and sent home because there was nothing there! When I had my first blood clot, it was probably the worst pain I had ever had in my life. I was doubled over in pain for several days before it was diagnosed- this hardly hurts at all. The Dr told me I 'might be able to leave by the weekend if I had something going on" so the few days has now turned into at least 5 days at this point. I will also be on coumadin for the rest of my life- since this bloodclot was brought on by surgery or extended period of laying around, the seriousness has increased. Oh well, what can you do?
I had a few visitors that made the time pass by this afternoon. Tonight is the "Divine Desserts" event with Dr. Lisa Masterson at the Marina Inn. Mom had bought a table and there was 8 of us to attend. There is a special receptioin for Cancer Survivors at 6 that I was going to go to, but can not. Thankfully we found enough people to take the extra tickets since my two friends who were going to go with me do not know each other so that would make things kinda wierd! They gave up their tickets and mom found people to use them.
Here's a special treat I got last night...apparently anyone who is admitted to this floor has to be test for MRSA and something else- that entails a swap up the nose and one around the anus. Awesome! hey, if that's the worse thing that happens- I'm ok with that. Quick and painless! I'm just so thankful I can get up to use the bathroom!
Since my doctor was on rounds at the hospital this week, I got to see him this morning. He gave me a stern scolding for not calling the on-call doctor on Sunday. Seriously, he went on for about 5 minutes. I didn't know it was this serious, or serious at all! I've had several appointments where I thought the swelling was really bad, and sent home because there was nothing there! When I had my first blood clot, it was probably the worst pain I had ever had in my life. I was doubled over in pain for several days before it was diagnosed- this hardly hurts at all. The Dr told me I 'might be able to leave by the weekend if I had something going on" so the few days has now turned into at least 5 days at this point. I will also be on coumadin for the rest of my life- since this bloodclot was brought on by surgery or extended period of laying around, the seriousness has increased. Oh well, what can you do?
I had a few visitors that made the time pass by this afternoon. Tonight is the "Divine Desserts" event with Dr. Lisa Masterson at the Marina Inn. Mom had bought a table and there was 8 of us to attend. There is a special receptioin for Cancer Survivors at 6 that I was going to go to, but can not. Thankfully we found enough people to take the extra tickets since my two friends who were going to go with me do not know each other so that would make things kinda wierd! They gave up their tickets and mom found people to use them.
Here's a special treat I got last night...apparently anyone who is admitted to this floor has to be test for MRSA and something else- that entails a swap up the nose and one around the anus. Awesome! hey, if that's the worse thing that happens- I'm ok with that. Quick and painless! I'm just so thankful I can get up to use the bathroom!
Monday, September 21, 2009
Sunday afternoon I noticed that my leg was very swollen again. I put my sexy ted hose on and elevated my leg for the afternoon. My cousin Michelle was visiting from Omaha so we just hung out at home for the day. Monday morning when I woke up the swelling still hadn't gone down. I sent mom this picture to show her how my leg was swollen. 
I called my dr and told them how large my leg and foot were and they fit me in that afternoon. My Dr. Doodlebop was on hospital rounds so I saw lady Dr. Rao- she was very concerned and sent me up to hospital for an ultrasound. She was pretty sure it was a bloodclot and explained what she wanted to do to treat it, with lovanox injections at home for a week. She didn't even want me walking around at her office while we waited to set up the ultrasound with the hospital.
Once we were at the hospital and the tech started on my leg, I knew things were not good! She was concentrating a lot on my groin area where I had my clot in 2002. After she eventually made it down my leg and ankle area, she went back again over my groin and then up into my abdomen. There were lots of very pretty colors on the screen and I had to ask what was going on! She had just changed the velocity of the waves and the colors was all, but I was freaking! She told me to stay where I was on the table in case the doctor wanted to take a look before I got dressed. She came back about 20 mintues and told me I could get dressed but to stay in the room on the table since she was waiting for Dr Rao to call her back with directons on what I should do next. A while later she came back and said that Dr Rao was on the phone for me. She was talking very loudly in the phone and very excited- between her and the tech, they told me that I had a bloodclot in my illiac vein that started in my abdomen and stretched down my entire leg. It was blocking 75% of my bloodflow. Holy Crap! She told me I needed to be on complete bed rest for a week and I'd be giving myself blood thinner injections twice a day and they would be monitoring my blood closely throughout the week since my immune system and blood count levels are already compromised to begin with, the blood thinners make things even trickier. After several phone calls between the ER, my Dr, the insurance co- my dr decided it was easier and safer for me to be admitted.
I was in shock, I kind of still am. It doesn't hurt like my first blood clot did- I really wasn't expecting it to be anything- sound familiar? Maybe I should start gambling! So here I am, for at least a few days while they try to break up this monster clot! I'm at Mercy- on the oncology floor if anyone is bored, so am I! Come see me!
I called my dr and told them how large my leg and foot were and they fit me in that afternoon. My Dr. Doodlebop was on hospital rounds so I saw lady Dr. Rao- she was very concerned and sent me up to hospital for an ultrasound. She was pretty sure it was a bloodclot and explained what she wanted to do to treat it, with lovanox injections at home for a week. She didn't even want me walking around at her office while we waited to set up the ultrasound with the hospital.
Once we were at the hospital and the tech started on my leg, I knew things were not good! She was concentrating a lot on my groin area where I had my clot in 2002. After she eventually made it down my leg and ankle area, she went back again over my groin and then up into my abdomen. There were lots of very pretty colors on the screen and I had to ask what was going on! She had just changed the velocity of the waves and the colors was all, but I was freaking! She told me to stay where I was on the table in case the doctor wanted to take a look before I got dressed. She came back about 20 mintues and told me I could get dressed but to stay in the room on the table since she was waiting for Dr Rao to call her back with directons on what I should do next. A while later she came back and said that Dr Rao was on the phone for me. She was talking very loudly in the phone and very excited- between her and the tech, they told me that I had a bloodclot in my illiac vein that started in my abdomen and stretched down my entire leg. It was blocking 75% of my bloodflow. Holy Crap! She told me I needed to be on complete bed rest for a week and I'd be giving myself blood thinner injections twice a day and they would be monitoring my blood closely throughout the week since my immune system and blood count levels are already compromised to begin with, the blood thinners make things even trickier. After several phone calls between the ER, my Dr, the insurance co- my dr decided it was easier and safer for me to be admitted.
I was in shock, I kind of still am. It doesn't hurt like my first blood clot did- I really wasn't expecting it to be anything- sound familiar? Maybe I should start gambling! So here I am, for at least a few days while they try to break up this monster clot! I'm at Mercy- on the oncology floor if anyone is bored, so am I! Come see me!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Let's get re-aquainted!
It's been a while since I've last posted! I had chemo on Friday the 11th with the new drug I started. It was still a partial dose of what I will be getting in a few weeks once I finish out the cycle I am on. I felt ok on Saturday, I went to breakfast with Chris and Amy and the boys, did a little shopping and I was beat by the time we were done. I came home around 11 and went to straight to nap. Slept most of Saturday and Sunday. Missed work on Monday and Tuesday- I didn't have the energy to shower or anything! I wore the same sweats from Saturday till Tuesday, I was just too exhaused to change or move. I did manage to soak in the tub one night.
Once I was feeling better, I was busy busy at work all week, which is why I haven't posted anything. I tend to work a lot on my weeks off so I can bank some time for when I'm feeling crappy. My tastebuds were completely shot last week! Everything tasted horrible- bitter like baking soda. I started to regain some normal taste of my food last weekend but I was also not able to eat any foods that weren't cooked because my counts were low. I didn't know that my counts were low until today I asked the doc what the reasoning for this is, because I wanted nothing more than watermelon last week so I actually threw away the one I had in my fridge because I wanted to eat it so badly! I'm very impulsive and have no self control so I thought it was best to throw it out! I've also been getting a lot of bloody noses again and have a cough, which apparently is from this chemo. My nose hurts so bad, it's like raw inside, so when i move my mouth (which has sores on the corners of my lips- they're healing tho) it pulls and hurts! I feel like a negative nancy writing this but I did have a really good week after Tuesday!
A friend at work 'set me up' with her sister in law who is a breast cancer survivor, so we have been emailing back and forth for a few weeks. It's so nice to hear her stories and know I'm not losing my mind. She has had the same chemo that I had so she experienced a lot of the same side effects. We've been swapping stories and she's answered a lot of my questions. I hope to meet her sometime soon. It's like we're on-line dating! :)
Once I was feeling better, I was busy busy at work all week, which is why I haven't posted anything. I tend to work a lot on my weeks off so I can bank some time for when I'm feeling crappy. My tastebuds were completely shot last week! Everything tasted horrible- bitter like baking soda. I started to regain some normal taste of my food last weekend but I was also not able to eat any foods that weren't cooked because my counts were low. I didn't know that my counts were low until today I asked the doc what the reasoning for this is, because I wanted nothing more than watermelon last week so I actually threw away the one I had in my fridge because I wanted to eat it so badly! I'm very impulsive and have no self control so I thought it was best to throw it out! I've also been getting a lot of bloody noses again and have a cough, which apparently is from this chemo. My nose hurts so bad, it's like raw inside, so when i move my mouth (which has sores on the corners of my lips- they're healing tho) it pulls and hurts! I feel like a negative nancy writing this but I did have a really good week after Tuesday!
A friend at work 'set me up' with her sister in law who is a breast cancer survivor, so we have been emailing back and forth for a few weeks. It's so nice to hear her stories and know I'm not losing my mind. She has had the same chemo that I had so she experienced a lot of the same side effects. We've been swapping stories and she's answered a lot of my questions. I hope to meet her sometime soon. It's like we're on-line dating! :)
Friday, September 11, 2009
Good News! I don't have any baby berry cancer- ultrasound came back clean of any tumors or cysts!
Today I had treatment #9- shortly after I got hooked up to my first bag, we lost power. It was off the entire afternoon and wasn't expected to be back on until 4 pm. They had made arrangements to transport those who had long chemo treatments to the hospital to finish the treatment and cancelled all other appointments who had not yet started. I think the nurses were excited about getting the afternoon off becuase I've never been finsihed so fast! They were pouring that stuff right in! And then to their dismay, as I was being unhooked, the power came back on, but they had already cancelled the rest of the appointments for the day.
I'm off next week, but just have to go in for blood work as they expect this week they will go down, for that reason I can only eat food that has been cooked thoroughly which eliminates my diet of sandwiches and cereal.
Today I got some zinc glycol that is supposed to improve my tastebuds since I can't taste anything that's not sweet. I wonder if it works...we'll find out tomorrow!
Today I had treatment #9- shortly after I got hooked up to my first bag, we lost power. It was off the entire afternoon and wasn't expected to be back on until 4 pm. They had made arrangements to transport those who had long chemo treatments to the hospital to finish the treatment and cancelled all other appointments who had not yet started. I think the nurses were excited about getting the afternoon off becuase I've never been finsihed so fast! They were pouring that stuff right in! And then to their dismay, as I was being unhooked, the power came back on, but they had already cancelled the rest of the appointments for the day.
I'm off next week, but just have to go in for blood work as they expect this week they will go down, for that reason I can only eat food that has been cooked thoroughly which eliminates my diet of sandwiches and cereal.
Today I got some zinc glycol that is supposed to improve my tastebuds since I can't taste anything that's not sweet. I wonder if it works...we'll find out tomorrow!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Last of Round #3
Tomorrow is my last day of my third round of chemo- that makes for 8 total treatments after tomorrow! Bad news is that this should be nearing my half way mark, but since my chemo drugs and cycle is changing, I will be doing this for a month longer than originally expected. Oh well, I guess I'd rather just get it all over with now and not do it again next year!
I had a rough weekend, mainly feeling pretty crappy about my hair falling out. When I feel crappy, I get sad when I normally wouldn't be said- just not feeling well. I've been INSANELY hot all week- the last two days have been horrible! Im sweating all over my body, feel like my shirt is soaked and all my chins are sticking to one another ! It hasn't even been hot out this week. Today I swore I was going to have a heart attack! I just couldn't catch my breath just from walking down the hall or talking a lot!
I had an ultrasound on the baby berries today. Apparently that wasn't ovulation that lit up on my PETscan, it's a cyst or something so they wanted me to have that checked out. I went to the hospital with a full bladder, which only takes about 45 minutes to collect as I'm on lasix so going constantly anyway. Then I waited for nearly an hour, sweating perfusely and trying not to pee my pants at the same time! When the lady came to get me she asked me if I had a full bladder- Not for long I said! I brought you a full bladder an hour ago! And she apologized over and over again. So they put me on a table and tilted my head down and took as many pictures as fast as she could then had me go 'half way' empty my bladder because my bladder was smashing everything she was trying to take pictures of! How does one measure the capacity of your bladder, especially when you've been holding it for over an hour! Apparently I'm not a good judge because she said it was still really smashing the berries and uterus- we had a bit of a berry jam apparently! :)
Anyway, the best part of today was finally peeing! It's the small things! :)
I had a rough weekend, mainly feeling pretty crappy about my hair falling out. When I feel crappy, I get sad when I normally wouldn't be said- just not feeling well. I've been INSANELY hot all week- the last two days have been horrible! Im sweating all over my body, feel like my shirt is soaked and all my chins are sticking to one another ! It hasn't even been hot out this week. Today I swore I was going to have a heart attack! I just couldn't catch my breath just from walking down the hall or talking a lot!
I had an ultrasound on the baby berries today. Apparently that wasn't ovulation that lit up on my PETscan, it's a cyst or something so they wanted me to have that checked out. I went to the hospital with a full bladder, which only takes about 45 minutes to collect as I'm on lasix so going constantly anyway. Then I waited for nearly an hour, sweating perfusely and trying not to pee my pants at the same time! When the lady came to get me she asked me if I had a full bladder- Not for long I said! I brought you a full bladder an hour ago! And she apologized over and over again. So they put me on a table and tilted my head down and took as many pictures as fast as she could then had me go 'half way' empty my bladder because my bladder was smashing everything she was trying to take pictures of! How does one measure the capacity of your bladder, especially when you've been holding it for over an hour! Apparently I'm not a good judge because she said it was still really smashing the berries and uterus- we had a bit of a berry jam apparently! :)
Anyway, the best part of today was finally peeing! It's the small things! :)
Saturday, September 5, 2009
#8 done and over! Feeling reassured about what I'm doing after seeng my real doc yesterday. They are changing my chemo drugs now as I seem to be having a bit of a reaction to one of the drugs. I got another rash in my elbows this week and apparently my choking on bread is also a sign of the same kind allergic reaction. Since one of the drugs tends to give people more trouble, that's the one I'm going to stop. Replacing with Cytoxin. Since I'm in the middle of a cycle, yesterday I was given my regular dose of taxotere and a low dose of cytoxin and will do the same next week to finish out this cycle. Then I will go to once every three weeks (yay!) but with stronger doses so side affects could be greater and of course, they are different and not pleasant (irritation of bladder lining, hair loss, etc).
I'm feeling ok today, just tired and hot! My skin feels hot although I have no temp.
I'm scheduled for an ultrasound next week to monitor my baby berries to make sure no cancer has spread there as breast and ovarian cancer are linked. On my PETscan in June there was a bit of a light they thought was just ovulation, but having it looked at to be sure.
Kim and Mom sat with me during Chemo- fell asleep a few times while we were there. It was nice to be in a private room again, it's been a while since I got a room. I've requested to be in a room but that might not work every week!
No big plans for the weekend- just waiting it out to make sure I feel good!
I'm feeling ok today, just tired and hot! My skin feels hot although I have no temp.
I'm scheduled for an ultrasound next week to monitor my baby berries to make sure no cancer has spread there as breast and ovarian cancer are linked. On my PETscan in June there was a bit of a light they thought was just ovulation, but having it looked at to be sure.
Kim and Mom sat with me during Chemo- fell asleep a few times while we were there. It was nice to be in a private room again, it's been a while since I got a room. I've requested to be in a room but that might not work every week!
No big plans for the weekend- just waiting it out to make sure I feel good!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
I'm back people!
And just in the lick of time because tomorrow I do it all again! This week totally sucked which is why I didn't write other to notify you all that I was not dead- touch and go for a while, but heart never stopped tickin. Just felt sick to my stomach, but no barfy-barfy, had no appetite and couldn't bring myself to eat anything for a couple days.
The hair issue has gotten a bit more difficult this week as it is falling out a lot, a lot! Not just more than usual, but I'm guessing i will be bald in two weeks at the rate I'm losing hair. It takes a bit longer to remove all the hair that I've shed in the shower cleaned up and off my body- do you know that it is possible to look like Chewbaca, fresh out of a shower? It's true, I'm not into nudie pictures or I'd totally prove it. It's very messy which just adds insult to injury! :)
I was given the name of a co-worker's friend who is also going through treatment, who I've been procrastinating contacting. But now that my hair is falling out, I think I might have some questions I want to ask her! I have trouble asking for help and that sort of thing, so I just need to do it and benefit from her experiences.
No plans for the holiday weekend- kinda holding off on that until I know last week was a fluke and I might actually feel like doing something. So, if anyone has anything in mind, give me a call!
The hair issue has gotten a bit more difficult this week as it is falling out a lot, a lot! Not just more than usual, but I'm guessing i will be bald in two weeks at the rate I'm losing hair. It takes a bit longer to remove all the hair that I've shed in the shower cleaned up and off my body- do you know that it is possible to look like Chewbaca, fresh out of a shower? It's true, I'm not into nudie pictures or I'd totally prove it. It's very messy which just adds insult to injury! :)
I was given the name of a co-worker's friend who is also going through treatment, who I've been procrastinating contacting. But now that my hair is falling out, I think I might have some questions I want to ask her! I have trouble asking for help and that sort of thing, so I just need to do it and benefit from her experiences.
No plans for the holiday weekend- kinda holding off on that until I know last week was a fluke and I might actually feel like doing something. So, if anyone has anything in mind, give me a call!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
I'm really trying to keep a positive outlook on things however, I try and try to forget this cancer business and it sneaks up where I'm least expecting it! I've been using work as a bit of an "outlet" since I love my job and I sure have enough to keep me busy there 60 hours each week. Working just 4 days most weeks, I tend to stay late and work if I have nothing else going on and I'm feeling up to it physically.
Today I interviewed someone who was in my master's program at school. Since it's all online, we've never actually met-however we have worked on projects over the last three years. I honestly don't know if I would have recognized her name if I hadn't seen her education credentials on her resume. I didn't realize this until 5 minutes before I was to meet her in the lobby, so I was instantly fearful that she would recognize my name from our classes together. I didn't want her to ask me anything about the program, as she completed her classes this summer, where I am not due to the unknowns of my treatment. I don't want to do it half-assesd and I'm in no rush since I have a fantastic job where I'm doing real HR work. When she mentioned that she finished her MAHR, my throat closed and I don't think I even looked at her while she spoke. It felt like that one sentence she said lasted 5 minutes because I was so fearful she would ask me if I'd completed the program as well, and why I did not. Thankfully, she didn't ask and I didn't volunteer any information on who I was.
Another man that I work with was in my office the other day telling me that his wife is a retired oncology nurse- we were talking about another co-worker who has had another recent bout with cancer. Again, the fear and questioning if I should tell him of my situation, in casual conversation. I don't know if he knows, he's never told me that he knows as most people haven't- but word travels fast and I think everyone I work with truely cares about my situation but I hate telling people. Makes me nervous because I'm not ok with crying at work and once I get started...:)
This too shall pass... :)
Today I interviewed someone who was in my master's program at school. Since it's all online, we've never actually met-however we have worked on projects over the last three years. I honestly don't know if I would have recognized her name if I hadn't seen her education credentials on her resume. I didn't realize this until 5 minutes before I was to meet her in the lobby, so I was instantly fearful that she would recognize my name from our classes together. I didn't want her to ask me anything about the program, as she completed her classes this summer, where I am not due to the unknowns of my treatment. I don't want to do it half-assesd and I'm in no rush since I have a fantastic job where I'm doing real HR work. When she mentioned that she finished her MAHR, my throat closed and I don't think I even looked at her while she spoke. It felt like that one sentence she said lasted 5 minutes because I was so fearful she would ask me if I'd completed the program as well, and why I did not. Thankfully, she didn't ask and I didn't volunteer any information on who I was.
Another man that I work with was in my office the other day telling me that his wife is a retired oncology nurse- we were talking about another co-worker who has had another recent bout with cancer. Again, the fear and questioning if I should tell him of my situation, in casual conversation. I don't know if he knows, he's never told me that he knows as most people haven't- but word travels fast and I think everyone I work with truely cares about my situation but I hate telling people. Makes me nervous because I'm not ok with crying at work and once I get started...:)
This too shall pass... :)
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Just a quick update, last week's chemo didn't go as well. Was exhausted through the weekend and didn't do much. Janna brought me dinner which was awesome! Made me feel a bit more like normal for a few hours! :)
For the first real time, I've been sick to my stomach and taking meds to control it as much as possible. Finding it difficult to want to eat, although most of the meds I have to take should be taken with food. I'm pretty much exhasted this week.
My hair is falling out in mass amounts, cleaning the drain twice in the shower- followed by a rinse again to get all the hair off me that stuck and another quick cleaning of the tub to get all the hair off. This morning got kinda ugly, totally freaked out about it- takes a lot longer to get ready in the morning when you're cleaning up hair from all over yourself and everything you've touched. In general, just not feeling good this week. More later...
For the first real time, I've been sick to my stomach and taking meds to control it as much as possible. Finding it difficult to want to eat, although most of the meds I have to take should be taken with food. I'm pretty much exhasted this week.
My hair is falling out in mass amounts, cleaning the drain twice in the shower- followed by a rinse again to get all the hair off me that stuck and another quick cleaning of the tub to get all the hair off. This morning got kinda ugly, totally freaked out about it- takes a lot longer to get ready in the morning when you're cleaning up hair from all over yourself and everything you've touched. In general, just not feeling good this week. More later...
Friday, August 21, 2009
The Awesome-ness continues...
I had a check up today as it is my 'week off' chemo and had all my labs done to make sure all is still going well, and it is! Everything is completely "normal", which begs the question- Is this even working? The nurse explained that the chemo kills good cells and bad cells becausae it can't tell the difference, but my good cells don't seem to be murdered by the chemo. Apparently my chemo is smarter than the average chemo? I'll be questioning the doc again on this next week since today I just saw a nurse.
The highlight of the visit was when I stepped on the scale the digital reader completely blanked out and turned all black! "What? OMG!" I was freaking out- I feel like a pregnant octo-mom carrying an additional 26 lbs since beginning chemo 8 weeks ago but I didn't think I needed a flat bed scale yet! The nurse just laughed, apparently she had just turned it on when I stepped on. Or she was just trying to make me feel better...but then the stupid thing started working and I've only gained one pound this week.
I developed a nasty rash in the bends of my elbows, or as I like to call it, the crotch of my elbows. It came on Monday and got worse through the week, doesn't hurt, doesn't itch- just very red and gross looking. When they drew blood I didn't even feel the poke. The nurse asked my Doc Doodlebop to come in and take a look. When he walked in he said "it came back?" He remembered! I got this same rash on the first day of my last round of chemo (Round (noun)- each set of four weeks I have chemo; three weeks chemo, one week off) while I was getting chemo. After just a couple days it turned to looking like a curling iron burn and flaked off leaving no scarring or anything behind. It was gone by the time I had seen him again but he was thinking it was some kind of allergic reaction to the chemo. Not too big of a deal since my throat didn't close and kill me but I now have a steroid cream (oh, i love steroids! They're making me nice and plump :( -
I'm feeling awesome this week! I was up after 10 pm two nights! Far later than the usual 8:30 I start heading to bed.
The highlight of the visit was when I stepped on the scale the digital reader completely blanked out and turned all black! "What? OMG!" I was freaking out- I feel like a pregnant octo-mom carrying an additional 26 lbs since beginning chemo 8 weeks ago but I didn't think I needed a flat bed scale yet! The nurse just laughed, apparently she had just turned it on when I stepped on. Or she was just trying to make me feel better...but then the stupid thing started working and I've only gained one pound this week.
I developed a nasty rash in the bends of my elbows, or as I like to call it, the crotch of my elbows. It came on Monday and got worse through the week, doesn't hurt, doesn't itch- just very red and gross looking. When they drew blood I didn't even feel the poke. The nurse asked my Doc Doodlebop to come in and take a look. When he walked in he said "it came back?" He remembered! I got this same rash on the first day of my last round of chemo (Round (noun)- each set of four weeks I have chemo; three weeks chemo, one week off) while I was getting chemo. After just a couple days it turned to looking like a curling iron burn and flaked off leaving no scarring or anything behind. It was gone by the time I had seen him again but he was thinking it was some kind of allergic reaction to the chemo. Not too big of a deal since my throat didn't close and kill me but I now have a steroid cream (oh, i love steroids! They're making me nice and plump :( -
I'm feeling awesome this week! I was up after 10 pm two nights! Far later than the usual 8:30 I start heading to bed.
Monday, August 17, 2009
A lady at work gave me a card about a month ago that said "Each day of your recovery deserves a trophy". Today I could have used that trophy. Nothing happened, nothing didn't happen, I'm just ready to have my own life back!
Chemo on Friday was normal as usual. Saturday morning woke up feeling ok but knew if I didn't get my butt to the store to get groceries, I would be ordering out all weekend because I wouldn't work up the energy to go. That's the last thing I need now that I'm sporting an extra 20+lbs in the last month. While I was at the store I saw one of the doctors from the clinic, I texted my mom and told her that I approached him and asked him why I'm on this chemo.- (not really but thought it would give my mom a good laugh). I did a lot of errand running on Saturday morning and was completely out of breath and sweating like a fiend! Came home and relaxed before heading to a movie with Janna.
It was great to do something fun! I miss hanging out with my friends and I miss talking about real stuff other than Cancer, which Janna is probably the best comedic relief ever! Nothing like a little public "toot" to take your mind off things! :) Gotta love it! However, I gotta admit, I was in bed by 9:15
Sunday I felt ambitious and made a list of "to do's" for the day but sadly, didn't get any of it accomplished. I made an apple pie! Sounded good, our oven is horrible so it's pretty brown after just 20 minutes, but the effort was there! Got my laundry finished and cleaned up my mess and that makes it a good day!
Saturday night while eating dinner with Janna I noticed that I couldn't taste things quite normally. Thought it was just bland food, but still sticking today. That's hard for me because that's the best part about eating! I've tried several things, hoping it goes away, but I guess that's normal. The chemo eats at your tastebuds and sluffs them off as it does your hair. I'm probably gonna gain a lot more weight if I keep shoving everything in my mouth the way I have been in the past couple days!
Speaking of hair, I have some serious growth, lots of grays peeking out of the part of my hair, which is becoming more sparse everyday. I'd love to color it but "they say" not to as it just causes additional damage to the hair I have left and could cause it to fall out more. At this point, I think that a growth line and some grays are better than the alternative! We'll see how long that continues, I might break down and just color it!
My mom has been fashioning me some headscarves out of a pattern and some fabric I picked out. Yesterday she sent me a picture of herself wearing one of them to show me how it turned out. I don't know if there would ever be an easy circumstance to see your mom wearing a head scarf- that was hard, even for a split second to see that. Instant panic- Ativan, take me away!
Back to today, I'm feeling tired and worn out, in a shakey kind of way. I came home for lunch and Toni was here- I was feeling really crappy but I know she's having a hard time seeing me all "cancerish" so I try to tough it out when she's around.
Tonight I'm just enjoying some quiet time and relaxing. Every muscle in my body is sore, manditory massages should be part of Chemo!
Chemo on Friday was normal as usual. Saturday morning woke up feeling ok but knew if I didn't get my butt to the store to get groceries, I would be ordering out all weekend because I wouldn't work up the energy to go. That's the last thing I need now that I'm sporting an extra 20+lbs in the last month. While I was at the store I saw one of the doctors from the clinic, I texted my mom and told her that I approached him and asked him why I'm on this chemo.- (not really but thought it would give my mom a good laugh). I did a lot of errand running on Saturday morning and was completely out of breath and sweating like a fiend! Came home and relaxed before heading to a movie with Janna.
It was great to do something fun! I miss hanging out with my friends and I miss talking about real stuff other than Cancer, which Janna is probably the best comedic relief ever! Nothing like a little public "toot" to take your mind off things! :) Gotta love it! However, I gotta admit, I was in bed by 9:15
Sunday I felt ambitious and made a list of "to do's" for the day but sadly, didn't get any of it accomplished. I made an apple pie! Sounded good, our oven is horrible so it's pretty brown after just 20 minutes, but the effort was there! Got my laundry finished and cleaned up my mess and that makes it a good day!
Saturday night while eating dinner with Janna I noticed that I couldn't taste things quite normally. Thought it was just bland food, but still sticking today. That's hard for me because that's the best part about eating! I've tried several things, hoping it goes away, but I guess that's normal. The chemo eats at your tastebuds and sluffs them off as it does your hair. I'm probably gonna gain a lot more weight if I keep shoving everything in my mouth the way I have been in the past couple days!
Speaking of hair, I have some serious growth, lots of grays peeking out of the part of my hair, which is becoming more sparse everyday. I'd love to color it but "they say" not to as it just causes additional damage to the hair I have left and could cause it to fall out more. At this point, I think that a growth line and some grays are better than the alternative! We'll see how long that continues, I might break down and just color it!
My mom has been fashioning me some headscarves out of a pattern and some fabric I picked out. Yesterday she sent me a picture of herself wearing one of them to show me how it turned out. I don't know if there would ever be an easy circumstance to see your mom wearing a head scarf- that was hard, even for a split second to see that. Instant panic- Ativan, take me away!
Back to today, I'm feeling tired and worn out, in a shakey kind of way. I came home for lunch and Toni was here- I was feeling really crappy but I know she's having a hard time seeing me all "cancerish" so I try to tough it out when she's around.
Tonight I'm just enjoying some quiet time and relaxing. Every muscle in my body is sore, manditory massages should be part of Chemo!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Today I had another appt with the doctor to make sure I can do my chemo tomorrow. I believe his word were "outstanding" referring to my blood levels and whathaveyou. I'd never seen this guy before so he was reading my chart as he went, asking me questions. Like, Are you going to have radiation after chemo? I said that it wasn't yet decided as I've been told different things by different doctors, and he knew that because I was reading everything over his shoulder. He asked me who the debate was between and if it was between me and myself. Como what the hell are you talking about? Yeah, I said, Theresa- do you want to have radiation? Um yeah theresa, i think I should, do you? no, i think you can do without, ask me again tomorrow. Is that what he imagined was the "debate conversation?" But the thing is he was dead serious. Who is this guy?
Well, bullshit aside, I'm now growing concerned that the chemo drugs that I'm taking are not going to be effective. He again asked me why I was on these particular chemo drugs...well, when I went to medical school, this is what I found to be most effective...or maybe because that's the shit that is forced into my veins every week! Can you tell I handle stress with an abundance of sarcasm?? So I told him that the week before I began chemo, the doctor that I was seeing, becuase my awesome doctor was out of the country, said they had attended a conference about this triple negative breast cancer that I have, and that the latest clinical tests results show this was the best treatment for this type of cancer. He added that he was at the same conference and he didn't 'get that' from the information that was presented. Then he began describing the intricities of DNA and BRCA 1 and 2 and how the drugs respond to the genetic hidbbidy of the 'achilles heel' of the cancer.... (Insert blank face here)
In a nutshell, I'm a little concerned that this treatment (which was also questioned by my real doctor) that I've been doing isn't effective enough. That will be my fist question when I'm set to begin chemo again after tomorrow, unless he was able to discuss it with my doctor and change whatever they feel needs changing. umph!!!!
PS he doens't think I'm going to need a Neulasta shot next week- again! Yay! We'll see what tomorrow brings!
Well, bullshit aside, I'm now growing concerned that the chemo drugs that I'm taking are not going to be effective. He again asked me why I was on these particular chemo drugs...well, when I went to medical school, this is what I found to be most effective...or maybe because that's the shit that is forced into my veins every week! Can you tell I handle stress with an abundance of sarcasm?? So I told him that the week before I began chemo, the doctor that I was seeing, becuase my awesome doctor was out of the country, said they had attended a conference about this triple negative breast cancer that I have, and that the latest clinical tests results show this was the best treatment for this type of cancer. He added that he was at the same conference and he didn't 'get that' from the information that was presented. Then he began describing the intricities of DNA and BRCA 1 and 2 and how the drugs respond to the genetic hidbbidy of the 'achilles heel' of the cancer.... (Insert blank face here)
In a nutshell, I'm a little concerned that this treatment (which was also questioned by my real doctor) that I've been doing isn't effective enough. That will be my fist question when I'm set to begin chemo again after tomorrow, unless he was able to discuss it with my doctor and change whatever they feel needs changing. umph!!!!
PS he doens't think I'm going to need a Neulasta shot next week- again! Yay! We'll see what tomorrow brings!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Breast Cancer for Idiots
yes, they make a breast cancer survival guide too. I've been reading it over the past month or so, I'm getting towards the end, the "Shock Absorbers: Finding Support" chapters. I had received a couple journals and flash drives, courtesy of my fab friends, so I could write all my thoughts and whatnot, which is what this blog turned into.
There are a lot of suggestions of 'exercises' of things to write about, so I thought I'd give it a shot and try one, nothing too serious because I don't want to be a Debbie Downer. Here goes...
*Describe how you felt when you were first diagnosed and compare it with how you feel now*
When I was first diagnosed, I was horrified. I thought that this news could not possibly get any worse than what I had received. I thought I would become more self-conscious and limited by not wanting to see or be with people. Before I had the lump removed, I would wake up everyday and feel it, hoping it was just a bad dream. I remember during one of the visits to the surgeon with my mom and Amy, we were discussing a mastectomy, and unknowns of making sure it was 100% gone- that they would probably never ever know for sure, which is why I'd have to have chemo. I had said to the surgeon that I would feel more comfortable at the time, havingt a mastectomy to be as close as possible to 100% sure the cancer was completely gone. My mom was surprised that I had thought about it that much, I'm not sure why but she responded right away, "you don't think about it everyday, worrying it might not be gone, do you?" And I did, I still do, but I was surprised that she was surprised by that. When I wake up now, I don't look at it or touch it, as there is still scar tissue that makes me nervous because it feels just like the lump that changed my world.
Now my thoughts have gone to "is it gone?" to "when is it going to come back?" I have a huge amount of fear that given my age and the reoccurance rate, this is far from over. I'm afraid that because I wasted time in my 20's just 'being', I'm going to miss out on things when I'm older because I'm going to be sick. I might not get to do the things I was 'saving up for' because time's a wastin! :)
My thoughts about chemo are completely different then from now. I thought Chemo was the worst thing that I could possibly go through and, (knock on wood) it hasn't been nearly as bad as I had imagined. For two weeks prior to my first chemo, I had cooked, cleaned, ran errands and such preparing to be a complete invalid for 6 months. Now, I just need to plan a few days out to make sure I have everything I need- just in case this is the one time I get sick.
There is a lot of hope, a wish to start planning things again. I'm usually a big planner, I like to know what I'm doing and when I'm going to do it. Now so many things are day to day, it's hard to plan anything- being tired is one of my biggest fears now because it's debilitating. The only thing on my calendar now are doctor's appts and chemo.
I look forward to Fall, it's my favorite season- (dreading the big 3-0 in October though). I look forward to the Holidays and wonder what I'll look like by then. Will I have hair? eyebrows? Will it be cold? On windy days now I wonder if I was wearing a hat if it would blow off...
I'm anxious to be finished with this and move on! I hope I can answer some of the questions for those unfortunate souls who blaze this path after me!
There are a lot of suggestions of 'exercises' of things to write about, so I thought I'd give it a shot and try one, nothing too serious because I don't want to be a Debbie Downer. Here goes...
*Describe how you felt when you were first diagnosed and compare it with how you feel now*
When I was first diagnosed, I was horrified. I thought that this news could not possibly get any worse than what I had received. I thought I would become more self-conscious and limited by not wanting to see or be with people. Before I had the lump removed, I would wake up everyday and feel it, hoping it was just a bad dream. I remember during one of the visits to the surgeon with my mom and Amy, we were discussing a mastectomy, and unknowns of making sure it was 100% gone- that they would probably never ever know for sure, which is why I'd have to have chemo. I had said to the surgeon that I would feel more comfortable at the time, havingt a mastectomy to be as close as possible to 100% sure the cancer was completely gone. My mom was surprised that I had thought about it that much, I'm not sure why but she responded right away, "you don't think about it everyday, worrying it might not be gone, do you?" And I did, I still do, but I was surprised that she was surprised by that. When I wake up now, I don't look at it or touch it, as there is still scar tissue that makes me nervous because it feels just like the lump that changed my world.
Now my thoughts have gone to "is it gone?" to "when is it going to come back?" I have a huge amount of fear that given my age and the reoccurance rate, this is far from over. I'm afraid that because I wasted time in my 20's just 'being', I'm going to miss out on things when I'm older because I'm going to be sick. I might not get to do the things I was 'saving up for' because time's a wastin! :)
My thoughts about chemo are completely different then from now. I thought Chemo was the worst thing that I could possibly go through and, (knock on wood) it hasn't been nearly as bad as I had imagined. For two weeks prior to my first chemo, I had cooked, cleaned, ran errands and such preparing to be a complete invalid for 6 months. Now, I just need to plan a few days out to make sure I have everything I need- just in case this is the one time I get sick.
There is a lot of hope, a wish to start planning things again. I'm usually a big planner, I like to know what I'm doing and when I'm going to do it. Now so many things are day to day, it's hard to plan anything- being tired is one of my biggest fears now because it's debilitating. The only thing on my calendar now are doctor's appts and chemo.
I look forward to Fall, it's my favorite season- (dreading the big 3-0 in October though). I look forward to the Holidays and wonder what I'll look like by then. Will I have hair? eyebrows? Will it be cold? On windy days now I wonder if I was wearing a hat if it would blow off...
I'm anxious to be finished with this and move on! I hope I can answer some of the questions for those unfortunate souls who blaze this path after me!
I've been trying to keep this "breast cancer related business" on this little bloggy here and I think this qualifies.
Today I went to the post office to mail a few parcels on my lunch break. There was no one parked in the spot next to me. I was standing at the back door of my car about to open the door when this old man comes around the corner to park in the spot right next to me. As he is driving into the spot, he starts honking at me. Seriously, honking at me! As I opened the door, I turned around to see what I had hoped to be a stray animal or child stranded in the empty parking spot he was about to park in, perhaps his breaks had gone out, which would give good reason to all the honking. No, no child or animal was standing behind me. I just stopped and stared at him and he was glaring back at me. So I stood there and watched him walk into the building, like a bitch because I was totally honked off. So I finished grabbing my things from my back seat, the door of which was completely opened as far as it would go, still not even near the white lines!
This is when I finally get to gripe about this in this blog...I try not to put all my other editorials in this blog because it's neither the time or the place to do that...until now.
I enter the post office and he had finished buying the one stamp that he came to buy. There was no one else in the store, but I still stood far back and continued to watch him as he gabbed with the lady at the counter, given him plenty of time to contemplate what an ass he is. He must have needed a little longer to think about it, becuase he still stood there gabbing with the lady. Then he starts asking her about all the "flair" she has on her name badge. He points out a pink ribbon and asks her why she has that and that she's too young to have to deal with something like that, she was probably in her 50's (not that anyone should have to deal with it, but that's the normal age, 29 is not)...She says that she is not a survivor, but she one time had a non-cancerous tumor removed, but that had been years ago. She also added that she had a friend's sister's cousin, twice removed, who had a teacher in grade school whose student's mom had breast cancer 30 years ago.... So the man, who I'm buring holes in the back of his head with my eyes, continues to empathize with her near-never cancer experience, soothing her with kinds words and is truely distraught by the news she had just told him, a perfect stranger. I was BITING MY TONGUE to play my cancer card with him. The cancer card that HE was handing out, he just didn't know I was a carrier of that card! Yeah, the person that he just honked at for 20 minutes for opening my car door near a parking spot that he was going to drive into, had this horrible, terrible disease and today was the day I felt good enough to go to the damn post office! I'm still super pissed at the old man which is why I really wanted to share this with everyone...you just never know what other people are dealing with when you're a jerk to them! And if you see an old man hanging around the Hamilton post office, honk at him and tell him to relax!
Today I went to the post office to mail a few parcels on my lunch break. There was no one parked in the spot next to me. I was standing at the back door of my car about to open the door when this old man comes around the corner to park in the spot right next to me. As he is driving into the spot, he starts honking at me. Seriously, honking at me! As I opened the door, I turned around to see what I had hoped to be a stray animal or child stranded in the empty parking spot he was about to park in, perhaps his breaks had gone out, which would give good reason to all the honking. No, no child or animal was standing behind me. I just stopped and stared at him and he was glaring back at me. So I stood there and watched him walk into the building, like a bitch because I was totally honked off. So I finished grabbing my things from my back seat, the door of which was completely opened as far as it would go, still not even near the white lines!
This is when I finally get to gripe about this in this blog...I try not to put all my other editorials in this blog because it's neither the time or the place to do that...until now.
I enter the post office and he had finished buying the one stamp that he came to buy. There was no one else in the store, but I still stood far back and continued to watch him as he gabbed with the lady at the counter, given him plenty of time to contemplate what an ass he is. He must have needed a little longer to think about it, becuase he still stood there gabbing with the lady. Then he starts asking her about all the "flair" she has on her name badge. He points out a pink ribbon and asks her why she has that and that she's too young to have to deal with something like that, she was probably in her 50's (not that anyone should have to deal with it, but that's the normal age, 29 is not)...She says that she is not a survivor, but she one time had a non-cancerous tumor removed, but that had been years ago. She also added that she had a friend's sister's cousin, twice removed, who had a teacher in grade school whose student's mom had breast cancer 30 years ago.... So the man, who I'm buring holes in the back of his head with my eyes, continues to empathize with her near-never cancer experience, soothing her with kinds words and is truely distraught by the news she had just told him, a perfect stranger. I was BITING MY TONGUE to play my cancer card with him. The cancer card that HE was handing out, he just didn't know I was a carrier of that card! Yeah, the person that he just honked at for 20 minutes for opening my car door near a parking spot that he was going to drive into, had this horrible, terrible disease and today was the day I felt good enough to go to the damn post office! I'm still super pissed at the old man which is why I really wanted to share this with everyone...you just never know what other people are dealing with when you're a jerk to them! And if you see an old man hanging around the Hamilton post office, honk at him and tell him to relax!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
I was very tired all weekend, I went to bed around 8 pm on Sunday night and had already emailed the powers that be at work to tell them I wasn't planning on coming in on Monday. I had a full morning of interviews and meetings scheduled, I suppose that's just my luck. I hadn't been feeling sick or tired so I thought I was safe. I did end up taking something for upset stomach, but I'm not sure if it was that or just really tired and had been eating crap all weekend.
I don't know what it was but I was very sad on Sunday night. 'Time alone' is few and far between and sometimes when you don't feel good, everything comes to a head. I have the greatest friends and family but having cancer leaves you feeling incredibly alone. No matter who is physically sitting with you or wishing you well, it's still just me, all day everyday doing this. I think that's the hardest part is that it never leaves, it's mind consuming because everything I do revolves around it. My social life has gone to 0, which is hard either way- I want to do things to keep my mind off everything, but I get so tired that I just want to come home and sleep.
I slept till 10 am on Monday, pretty much just laid around all day with Toni.
Tuesday I woke up and something felt very wrong. I again, slept about 12 hours and felt no relief. I showered and checked my email on the computer while Kim showered. I had gotten my period a few days prior, which I thought wasn't going to happen anymore as I'm supposed to be going thru menopause. In the 15 minutes that Kim was in the shower I had leaked through a tampon and just had a feeling that something wasn't right. My cramps were horrible also. I called my doctor who after a while called me back and told me they wanted me to come down for labs to check my blood counts so I had Toni take me down there. After about 3 1/2 hours of just needing labs, of just needing to see a nurse, of just waiting for the doc to look at the labs, to the doctor wants to see you...I finally saw the doctor who told me my levels were a bit low, but nothing harmful. Also offering me a long term solution for cramps to get a birth control shot that my other doctor had already ruled out as a solution because of my blood clot problem.
At that point I figured I was ok to drug up and go back to work!
I don't know what it was but I was very sad on Sunday night. 'Time alone' is few and far between and sometimes when you don't feel good, everything comes to a head. I have the greatest friends and family but having cancer leaves you feeling incredibly alone. No matter who is physically sitting with you or wishing you well, it's still just me, all day everyday doing this. I think that's the hardest part is that it never leaves, it's mind consuming because everything I do revolves around it. My social life has gone to 0, which is hard either way- I want to do things to keep my mind off everything, but I get so tired that I just want to come home and sleep.
I slept till 10 am on Monday, pretty much just laid around all day with Toni.
Tuesday I woke up and something felt very wrong. I again, slept about 12 hours and felt no relief. I showered and checked my email on the computer while Kim showered. I had gotten my period a few days prior, which I thought wasn't going to happen anymore as I'm supposed to be going thru menopause. In the 15 minutes that Kim was in the shower I had leaked through a tampon and just had a feeling that something wasn't right. My cramps were horrible also. I called my doctor who after a while called me back and told me they wanted me to come down for labs to check my blood counts so I had Toni take me down there. After about 3 1/2 hours of just needing labs, of just needing to see a nurse, of just waiting for the doc to look at the labs, to the doctor wants to see you...I finally saw the doctor who told me my levels were a bit low, but nothing harmful. Also offering me a long term solution for cramps to get a birth control shot that my other doctor had already ruled out as a solution because of my blood clot problem.
At that point I figured I was ok to drug up and go back to work!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Wiped out
Spent the morning at the fair yesterday, came home and slept the day away. Very tired this weekend. Can't seem to get enough sleep. Very hot all day and night, could be those hot flashes they keep asking me if I've gotten yet. I'm supposed to be going through menopause ? WTF?
Sorry, boring entry- too tired but felt like i should get off the couch at some point today.
Sorry, boring entry- too tired but felt like i should get off the couch at some point today.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Feeling Good!
I had chemo again yesterday! Doing really good this morning so far. Mom asked me yesterday if I feel like I'm living on borrowed time since I haven't gotten sick yet. I really kinda do! I've been carrying my pills for nausea and vomiting since my chemo last week just in case I might need them.
I had to sit 'on death row' as I like to call it. It's a group of 8 chairs out in the middle of the chemo room that are out in the open for everyone to see your business. I really hate it! I hate sitting there and seeing all the sick people, I don't feel sick and other than the ballooning in my legs, I don't look sick! It immediately puts me on edge, I almost started crying when they told me that's where I'd be for the day. But I did see the cutest thing ever, the old old grandma sitting next to the chair I was in was leaving shortly after I got there and her husband came and helped her out of the chair and they walked out holding hands. She was bald wearing a cute little hat and it was the cutest thing I'd ever seen!
Today I'm headed to the fair with the boys! Nice and early so it's not too hot!
I had to sit 'on death row' as I like to call it. It's a group of 8 chairs out in the middle of the chemo room that are out in the open for everyone to see your business. I really hate it! I hate sitting there and seeing all the sick people, I don't feel sick and other than the ballooning in my legs, I don't look sick! It immediately puts me on edge, I almost started crying when they told me that's where I'd be for the day. But I did see the cutest thing ever, the old old grandma sitting next to the chair I was in was leaving shortly after I got there and her husband came and helped her out of the chair and they walked out holding hands. She was bald wearing a cute little hat and it was the cutest thing I'd ever seen!
Today I'm headed to the fair with the boys! Nice and early so it's not too hot!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Again?
I have to have another chemo treatment tomorrow! I seriously, JUST was there! The weeks in between go way to fast. Pretty much because I work and sleep, on the weekend I try to fit in something social, but rarely happens. Not a lot to do or places to go.
The cancer center started doing things a little differently this week, I have my labs and see the doctor the day before my chemo. I don't really understand the logic, other than it's supposed to eliminate people coming for chemo and being sent home after hours of waiting, only because it has gotten too late in the day and they can't fit you in. But it sure doesn't cut down on the waiting time! You just wait longer, tonight I didn't get to see the doctor, yes, I said tonight, until 7:15! Holy God! Are you kidding me? We were the LAST people in the waiting room. My appt was at 4 for labs and to see the doctor at 4:20ish. I can't be mad at my doctor because I wouldn't trade him for the world!
After talking to my friend who's sister is having all sorts of medical issues that are yet to be diagnosed, I am thankful for the doctors that I have and that I was diagnosed. It wasn't a great diagnosis, but at least there's no question and experimentig with treatments, because what I have has a name. It's the small things that sometimes are huge and you take it for granted!
So in a nutshell, I've gained 20 lbs in the last month, my legs are like tree logs from swelling and I'm generally uncomfortable and hot all day long. And all my clothes are tight to boot! My white blood cell count was high tonight, probably from those damn steroids I had to start taking again. I finally got something rx for my heartburn! it's horrible, apparently when you put chemicals directly into your heart, it can cause that? And I also get to start wearing my TED hose again? Does everyone remember those? I'll enclose a picture from a couple years ago, just for old time's sake! It should help with the swelling in my legs so I don't continue to collect fluid and get a blood clot, because the chemo can cause blood clots! And I'm starting a lasix and potassium tomorrow for all the swelling. I'm a giant.
Cross your fingers tomorrow goes as smoothly as last week!
The cancer center started doing things a little differently this week, I have my labs and see the doctor the day before my chemo. I don't really understand the logic, other than it's supposed to eliminate people coming for chemo and being sent home after hours of waiting, only because it has gotten too late in the day and they can't fit you in. But it sure doesn't cut down on the waiting time! You just wait longer, tonight I didn't get to see the doctor, yes, I said tonight, until 7:15! Holy God! Are you kidding me? We were the LAST people in the waiting room. My appt was at 4 for labs and to see the doctor at 4:20ish. I can't be mad at my doctor because I wouldn't trade him for the world!
After talking to my friend who's sister is having all sorts of medical issues that are yet to be diagnosed, I am thankful for the doctors that I have and that I was diagnosed. It wasn't a great diagnosis, but at least there's no question and experimentig with treatments, because what I have has a name. It's the small things that sometimes are huge and you take it for granted!
So in a nutshell, I've gained 20 lbs in the last month, my legs are like tree logs from swelling and I'm generally uncomfortable and hot all day long. And all my clothes are tight to boot! My white blood cell count was high tonight, probably from those damn steroids I had to start taking again. I finally got something rx for my heartburn! it's horrible, apparently when you put chemicals directly into your heart, it can cause that? And I also get to start wearing my TED hose again? Does everyone remember those? I'll enclose a picture from a couple years ago, just for old time's sake! It should help with the swelling in my legs so I don't continue to collect fluid and get a blood clot, because the chemo can cause blood clots! And I'm starting a lasix and potassium tomorrow for all the swelling. I'm a giant.
Cross your fingers tomorrow goes as smoothly as last week!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
I started another round of chemo on Friday. Doc was a little concerned about my gi-ganto ankles and ended up going to the hospital after 7 hours at the cancer center to have an ultrasound on what could have been a blood clot in my leg. Turned out it wasn't, but it was. It's just an old one I had looked at in 2007, it never went away. The dr. called yesterday to say there's really nothing that can be done about it right now because it would drop my platelet count and we can't do that in the middle of chemo. I'll have to have another ultrasound in a couple months just to monitor it.
I was exhausted yesterday, left work an hour early just to come home and sleep- which I haven't done yet! I've been at work all day everyday and then some, since I started all this chemo BS. I think I've missed 6 hours of work that wasn't because I physically had to be at chemo. That was my first week, that was kinda rotten, rought start.
My hair is still thinning, but it's mostly still there! People who don't know how much hair I had to start don't notice i'm missing some! :) I got one of my most important questions answered at my dr. appt on Friday. I wasn't sure if I could drink alcohol or not- so I asked, "Can I drink alcohol while we're doing this chemo bit?" and he said "how much? and I said "how much? you tell me?" Ha ha, laugh laugh! Turns out, "I can still have some party" meaning I can have one- two drinks when I'm feeling good. As my mother is quick to remind me (apparently becuase she thinks i'm a raging alcoholic and I need to drink when I feel bad already) that if I already don't feel good, drinking is going to make it worse! I haven't had a drink, except maybe 1, in the last 3 months, I'm pretty sure the shakes are going away!
So, I have two more Fridays and then another week completely off! YAY!
I was exhausted yesterday, left work an hour early just to come home and sleep- which I haven't done yet! I've been at work all day everyday and then some, since I started all this chemo BS. I think I've missed 6 hours of work that wasn't because I physically had to be at chemo. That was my first week, that was kinda rotten, rought start.
My hair is still thinning, but it's mostly still there! People who don't know how much hair I had to start don't notice i'm missing some! :) I got one of my most important questions answered at my dr. appt on Friday. I wasn't sure if I could drink alcohol or not- so I asked, "Can I drink alcohol while we're doing this chemo bit?" and he said "how much? and I said "how much? you tell me?" Ha ha, laugh laugh! Turns out, "I can still have some party" meaning I can have one- two drinks when I'm feeling good. As my mother is quick to remind me (apparently becuase she thinks i'm a raging alcoholic and I need to drink when I feel bad already) that if I already don't feel good, drinking is going to make it worse! I haven't had a drink, except maybe 1, in the last 3 months, I'm pretty sure the shakes are going away!
So, I have two more Fridays and then another week completely off! YAY!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
I made it through a whole week of work, feeling good! Tonight my old pal Teresa came over. She is an oncology nurse and I haven't had a chance to talk to her bout all this since it started. She confirmed that my hair will be falling out soon! and I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm crazy for using this shampoo to stop my hair from falling out- she's not buying it. :) It was good to talk to her! I was able to ask lots of questions that I was too afraid to ask a doctor! Miss her!
Monday, July 20, 2009
There it goes
No chemo this week! Yay! There's about a bizillion things going on at work so I'm very thankful to actually spend my workweek at work getting some stuff done!
I came home for lunch today. As I washed my hands after using the bathroom, I looked up for a split second in the mirror and I saw it, My SCALP! I thought I was just seeing things because I'm totally in denial that I'm actually going to lose my hair since I hadn't noticed anything falling out in bed or the shower plus I'm using this fancy shampoo and scalp treatments to prevent it. But no, it appears that the hairloss has started. It's not really noticeable, but I'll definitely be moving the part in my hair now. I freaked out a little bit, took some meds and calmed myself down before heading back to work. I texted my mom to put a rush on the hats she's making me becuase apparently the time has come.
I think it must have started thinning out over the weekend. I didn't shower on Sunday and Saturday I did but didn't pay any attention to my hair. I'll have to post a picture of my new "sexually confused" hair cut. Am I a girl or a boy? You decide!
I haven't told anyone about it yet because I don't want to talk about it with everyone, so I thought I'd just post it here for the world to read! :)
Ready for bed, long day.
I came home for lunch today. As I washed my hands after using the bathroom, I looked up for a split second in the mirror and I saw it, My SCALP! I thought I was just seeing things because I'm totally in denial that I'm actually going to lose my hair since I hadn't noticed anything falling out in bed or the shower plus I'm using this fancy shampoo and scalp treatments to prevent it. But no, it appears that the hairloss has started. It's not really noticeable, but I'll definitely be moving the part in my hair now. I freaked out a little bit, took some meds and calmed myself down before heading back to work. I texted my mom to put a rush on the hats she's making me becuase apparently the time has come.
I think it must have started thinning out over the weekend. I didn't shower on Sunday and Saturday I did but didn't pay any attention to my hair. I'll have to post a picture of my new "sexually confused" hair cut. Am I a girl or a boy? You decide!
I haven't told anyone about it yet because I don't want to talk about it with everyone, so I thought I'd just post it here for the world to read! :)
Ready for bed, long day.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Round #3 Day 2
Today was a great day! I woke up before my alarm went off. I was a little unsure if I wanted to go in to work at my regular time, just because I wasn't sure if it would last, but it did! I worked the entire day and never really felt any different than PBC (pre-breast cancer).
Amy and Finn came to visit tonight and I was able to play with him for a while. I'm still a bit weary that this will wear off towards the end of the week but right now I'm totally taking advantage of it!
Amy and Finn came to visit tonight and I was able to play with him for a while. I'm still a bit weary that this will wear off towards the end of the week but right now I'm totally taking advantage of it!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Week #3
So this is my first actual posting after starting the blog and also my third week of chemo, which I had today. It occured to me out of much guilt and acknowledgment that I had withdrawn from my friends for the last few weeks, that I should come up with a way to communicate with as many people without having to contact everyone individually. So I'll be updating the blog with each treatment I receive and how I'm feeling as I try to continue with everything else in my life!
I had my 3rd treatment today as scheduled. All of my blood counts were good- so I don't have to get a Neulasta shot this week! yay! I was really excited about that because I haven't heard a lot of good things about it, lots of bone pain and fevers come with that. Chemo went smooth- no problems at all.
Tonight Mom and I went shopping for fabric for hats since the doctor said I would start to lose my hair within two weeks, two weeks ago. Haven't lost a hair yet! Believe me, I've been monitoring that closely. While we were at Wal-mart getting the fabric cut (for an hour and 15 minutes in the sweaty store) a lady complimented the colors of fabric that I had chosen and asked what we were making. With quick eye contact from mom, she told the lady what they were for. Turned out, she's a hair stylist and her husband and several other family and friends have had and are going through chemo also. She told me about a hair shampoo, conditioner and treatment that she can get that has helped a lot of people she knows to NOT lose their hair. YAY! I'm going to pick it up from her tomorrow- ideally I should have started the shampoo before I started the chemo, but it's never too late to try!
I'm feelin good and off to bed! Good Night!
I had my 3rd treatment today as scheduled. All of my blood counts were good- so I don't have to get a Neulasta shot this week! yay! I was really excited about that because I haven't heard a lot of good things about it, lots of bone pain and fevers come with that. Chemo went smooth- no problems at all.
Tonight Mom and I went shopping for fabric for hats since the doctor said I would start to lose my hair within two weeks, two weeks ago. Haven't lost a hair yet! Believe me, I've been monitoring that closely. While we were at Wal-mart getting the fabric cut (for an hour and 15 minutes in the sweaty store) a lady complimented the colors of fabric that I had chosen and asked what we were making. With quick eye contact from mom, she told the lady what they were for. Turned out, she's a hair stylist and her husband and several other family and friends have had and are going through chemo also. She told me about a hair shampoo, conditioner and treatment that she can get that has helped a lot of people she knows to NOT lose their hair. YAY! I'm going to pick it up from her tomorrow- ideally I should have started the shampoo before I started the chemo, but it's never too late to try!
I'm feelin good and off to bed! Good Night!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Slept like crap last night. All sorts of crazy dreams. It could be just me, or the meds, or again...just me.
I start #3 chemo tomorrow- been doing a little research on the drugs that they are giving me, Carboplatnum and taxitere. I'm scheduled to get a Neulasta shot this week- nervous about that. I've read all sorts of crazy stuff about that, severe pain in your bones, fever and Neulasta flu? It can get pretty bad I guess.
Today is when I decided to write this blog after talking to my friend Amanda. I haven't had much time to keep in contact with everyone and I haven't been really good about returning phone calls. I thought this would be a good way for anyone who wanted to read up on what I'm doing and feeling each day
I start #3 chemo tomorrow- been doing a little research on the drugs that they are giving me, Carboplatnum and taxitere. I'm scheduled to get a Neulasta shot this week- nervous about that. I've read all sorts of crazy stuff about that, severe pain in your bones, fever and Neulasta flu? It can get pretty bad I guess.
Today is when I decided to write this blog after talking to my friend Amanda. I haven't had much time to keep in contact with everyone and I haven't been really good about returning phone calls. I thought this would be a good way for anyone who wanted to read up on what I'm doing and feeling each day
Friday, July 10, 2009
Very tired this morning, but no time to be sick! Met my friend Teri for lunch. I caught her up to speed on all the treatments I had had. Her mom had breast cancer years and years ago, I think the memories of her mom going through it are very fresh in her mind. The medicines have improved drastically since then so I don't have nearly the side affects and no vomiting from my treatments like she remembers from her mom.
My face is peeling a bit, the shaking has gotten better but is still there. There was a BBQ at my boss's house after work, I thought I'd just go home and relax for a bit before I went, but just crashed on the couch. I was really getting tired. I didn't have the energy to even sit and smile around anyone else today.
I did a little research online that night about my triple negative cancer and the specific chemo drugs I'm on. That was when I found a website devoted just to my type of cancer. From there I found a link to survivors and and their personal websites- I was able to read up on their stories and was reassured that I'm not the only one! It sucks- but I'm not alone!
My face is peeling a bit, the shaking has gotten better but is still there. There was a BBQ at my boss's house after work, I thought I'd just go home and relax for a bit before I went, but just crashed on the couch. I was really getting tired. I didn't have the energy to even sit and smile around anyone else today.
I did a little research online that night about my triple negative cancer and the specific chemo drugs I'm on. That was when I found a website devoted just to my type of cancer. From there I found a link to survivors and and their personal websites- I was able to read up on their stories and was reassured that I'm not the only one! It sucks- but I'm not alone!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Basically the only thought of the day is that I can not poop! Its extreme diarrea for two days and then I don't poop for 5 days. I've been so miserable with it that I've been discussing it with people who aren't really people I would normally talk about my bathroom habits. But when you have that problem, its all you can think about!
We had an event at work in the afternoon. With all the inappropriate questions I've been asked, I was very nervous going and seeing everyone. There would be people there that I don't normally see everyday within the building, so I was afraid of what someone would say to me next. But thankfully, nothing happened-
The big haircut- I really didn't care. Steph sent me text messages during the day asking me how I was handling it and if I was ok. I hadn't had time to think about it- things at work are crazy! When I got home, Kim asked me about it I think 3 times before I left for the appt. Steph drove me to the appt, when we got in the truck I started crying and told her its not a big deal, but everyone else was making it a big deal!
The guy who cut my hair said he was expecting that I'd maybe already lost some hair, but I have a lot of hair! He said he didn't think I'd lost a hair in my life. I haven't noticed any hairloss at all, but the dr said it would happen at three weeks, and that is next week- just getting prepared! He had a fancy name and designer of the haircut, I really didn't care. It was ok- I think he cut each hair on my head individually. It was all sorts of different lengths. Looked good when he styled it so we'll see if I can do that.
We had an event at work in the afternoon. With all the inappropriate questions I've been asked, I was very nervous going and seeing everyone. There would be people there that I don't normally see everyday within the building, so I was afraid of what someone would say to me next. But thankfully, nothing happened-
The big haircut- I really didn't care. Steph sent me text messages during the day asking me how I was handling it and if I was ok. I hadn't had time to think about it- things at work are crazy! When I got home, Kim asked me about it I think 3 times before I left for the appt. Steph drove me to the appt, when we got in the truck I started crying and told her its not a big deal, but everyone else was making it a big deal!
The guy who cut my hair said he was expecting that I'd maybe already lost some hair, but I have a lot of hair! He said he didn't think I'd lost a hair in my life. I haven't noticed any hairloss at all, but the dr said it would happen at three weeks, and that is next week- just getting prepared! He had a fancy name and designer of the haircut, I really didn't care. It was ok- I think he cut each hair on my head individually. It was all sorts of different lengths. Looked good when he styled it so we'll see if I can do that.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Round 2, Day 2
Feeling pretty good again this morning, but wanted to be sure. I hung around the house this morning, ate breakfast and relaxed on the couch a bit. I had discussed with the dr. not taking one of the nausea/vomiting pills since I hadn't felt sick to my stomach at all, and these two pills were $45- so if I didn't need them, I didn't want to take them.
Big improvement over last week, I got to work just a little late, but everyone was still surprised to see me. Things are crazy busy so I really dont' have time to have cancer. I'm switching into a new role as "recruiter" however still doing my old job as that has not yet been filled- all on 3 1/2 days a week!
I'm still shaking a lot and always hot and sweaty but feeling much better. Went out for dinner with Tiffney and her little guy. Steph called, she got me an appt at a fancy hair salon for tomorrow night. I'd been told and read over and over that I should cut my hair before it starts to thin and fall out. It would make the clean up a lot easier and would look fuller, when it is not. She's also insisting on paying for it because it's "too traumatic to pay for myself"- those are her words, not mine. I had short hair for years, I'm not too worried about it. It's awfully sweet of her though! I would never be able to afford that place
Mom is going to make me some head scarves since I have a few, but nothing reasonable for work. They're all the long scarves that you need some time and patience and skill to tie, and I don't have any of those things.
Today I'm ok with the hair thing- but that could change at any minute. I honestly think the reason chemo makes you lose your hair, is because you honestly can't take care of yourself whiel you're going through it. Too exhausted!
Big improvement over last week, I got to work just a little late, but everyone was still surprised to see me. Things are crazy busy so I really dont' have time to have cancer. I'm switching into a new role as "recruiter" however still doing my old job as that has not yet been filled- all on 3 1/2 days a week!
I'm still shaking a lot and always hot and sweaty but feeling much better. Went out for dinner with Tiffney and her little guy. Steph called, she got me an appt at a fancy hair salon for tomorrow night. I'd been told and read over and over that I should cut my hair before it starts to thin and fall out. It would make the clean up a lot easier and would look fuller, when it is not. She's also insisting on paying for it because it's "too traumatic to pay for myself"- those are her words, not mine. I had short hair for years, I'm not too worried about it. It's awfully sweet of her though! I would never be able to afford that place
Mom is going to make me some head scarves since I have a few, but nothing reasonable for work. They're all the long scarves that you need some time and patience and skill to tie, and I don't have any of those things.
Today I'm ok with the hair thing- but that could change at any minute. I honestly think the reason chemo makes you lose your hair, is because you honestly can't take care of yourself whiel you're going through it. Too exhausted!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Round 2
It's Monday already again? All the labs and the visit with the dr. went super fast! Steph showed up as a surprise. All went well, no crying! :) I had told the doctor how badly I felt last week and how I shook all week, but it was getting better. She suggested slowing down one of the chemo bag drips and weening me off the steroids. Must have helped!
We finished mid-afternoon and ran a few errands. I felt awesome and made dinner that night. I am feeling so good I'm anxious to see if it will last!
We finished mid-afternoon and ran a few errands. I felt awesome and made dinner that night. I am feeling so good I'm anxious to see if it will last!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Day 6
Woke up feeling much better than I had for the past week. I was totally annoyed and stressed about everything, work, the house, friends and family, I had 13 voicemails that I hadn't listened to or returned- so I knew I was feeling better. The dirty floor and moldy shit growing around the drain in the sink hadn't bothered me during my chemo-coma.
I worked on stuff for worked the entire day, stopping for a cat nap mid day. Resumed work and then tried to fit in a week's worth of house work much to my dismay. We need a maid.
That night mom came and brought food for dinner for the bbq. Getting ready for Round 2!
I worked on stuff for worked the entire day, stopping for a cat nap mid day. Resumed work and then tried to fit in a week's worth of house work much to my dismay. We need a maid.
That night mom came and brought food for dinner for the bbq. Getting ready for Round 2!
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Day 6
OMG I finally pooped! It's so consuming when you can't poop! Cant think about anything else. And to add insult to injury- got my period. Fantastic!
Mid afternoon Mom and I decided to see a movie at the cheap seats. When we came out, I told mom I had felt better than I had in days. Most of the shaking and fatigue had disappeared.
That night I watched Mom watch the boys while Chris and Amy went to Saturday in the Park. I handled the bedtime events- meaning I fell asleep in bed with them.
Mid afternoon Mom and I decided to see a movie at the cheap seats. When we came out, I told mom I had felt better than I had in days. Most of the shaking and fatigue had disappeared.
That night I watched Mom watch the boys while Chris and Amy went to Saturday in the Park. I handled the bedtime events- meaning I fell asleep in bed with them.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Day 5
Felt as good as I had felt for about a week, got up this morning and went to walmart to get my oil changed because I had a few other things to get too. I was sweating like a hog waiting to get my car back from them, I waited 20 minutes for someone to return to the department to give me my keys. I had walked laps around the store looking for someone and no one was to be found. Screw walmart!
I told Kim I wanted to get out of the house so we went to Hu Hot for lunch and to a movie. Before we left the house I just cried to Kim, I don't feel like myself- I can't do anything for myself although I've been getting by. Kim did all my laundry, thank God!, but I'd been doing all my own cooking and cleaning. I was exhausted and felt like crap and that was my life as I know it at this point.
Oooh the constipation that comes with the chemo. I hadn't pooped in 5 days and I was feeling like crap!
Mom asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with her, grandma and my aunt and uncle. I said I would if she came to get me, I didn't feel good enough to drive. She suggested I stay with her for the night so I packed a bag- just jammies and a tooth brush. When she came to pick me up, I just started crying again. I looked and felt like hell, she told me I didn't have to go but I wanted to. We both cried in the car- I think it's hard for her to see me like this; it's hard to have people see me like this. I'm pale, my face and whole chest area was breaking out, and I sweat constantly.
My aunt has really stuck close to my mom though all this, so I wanted to see them. It's been really amazing how some people have stepped up to help out and just be there, where others have completely disappeared. How cold is that? But yes it's true! I hope those people never actually go through this as they think its no big deal- but I'm trying to let it go, and let them go.
I told Kim I wanted to get out of the house so we went to Hu Hot for lunch and to a movie. Before we left the house I just cried to Kim, I don't feel like myself- I can't do anything for myself although I've been getting by. Kim did all my laundry, thank God!, but I'd been doing all my own cooking and cleaning. I was exhausted and felt like crap and that was my life as I know it at this point.
Oooh the constipation that comes with the chemo. I hadn't pooped in 5 days and I was feeling like crap!
Mom asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with her, grandma and my aunt and uncle. I said I would if she came to get me, I didn't feel good enough to drive. She suggested I stay with her for the night so I packed a bag- just jammies and a tooth brush. When she came to pick me up, I just started crying again. I looked and felt like hell, she told me I didn't have to go but I wanted to. We both cried in the car- I think it's hard for her to see me like this; it's hard to have people see me like this. I'm pale, my face and whole chest area was breaking out, and I sweat constantly.
My aunt has really stuck close to my mom though all this, so I wanted to see them. It's been really amazing how some people have stepped up to help out and just be there, where others have completely disappeared. How cold is that? But yes it's true! I hope those people never actually go through this as they think its no big deal- but I'm trying to let it go, and let them go.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Day 4
I'm exhausted in a way that seems cliche- Fatigue is listed as every side effect of every drug. It's impossible to explain how consuming it is, thinking about getting up to use the bathroom for 15 minutes hoping the urge would go away. I don't think I slept from highschool till I was like 27, I know how to cope on a lack of sleep- get over it!
I worked for about 2 hours- pretty successfun work week, a whole 8 hours! Friday is a scheduled holiday, thank God for that! I slept for the remainder of the day.
I worked for about 2 hours- pretty successfun work week, a whole 8 hours! Friday is a scheduled holiday, thank God for that! I slept for the remainder of the day.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Day 3
I felt ok, been better but considering...I was feeling ok. I had horrible heart burn for 2 days- I wonder if it was from the toxic chemicals racing through all my veins. I layed around all morning until Janna asked if I was still up for some BWW. I thought it would give me something to think about to get me through the day, little steps. She always lifts my spirits, it's hard to feel bad around her, because she's so damn funny!
The thought of being awake for at least the next 7 hours brought on a little panic itself. It seemed impossible! My head was fuzzy, my hands were shaking and I couldn't think or speak in complete sentences. I worked for about 4 hours and went to meet Janna. Becky came too!
It felt awesome to see them but I was dragging. I needed to see my friends!
I still hadn't returned any phone calls yet. Just too tired, didn't want to talk to anyone. When I got home Steph was there, I just walked in my room and layed down for a minute. I couldnt' do anything but cry! It was sheer exhaustion, unexplainable. My mind couldn't process any thoughts except for reminding me how horrible I felt. The exhaustion was the hardest part to deal with, but cause you think it's something you can get over. Everyone gets tired, you deal with it and get moving! But this is different, it's sitting on the couch and needing to take the pills that are right in front of you on the coffee table and you just can't get them.
I couldn't stop crying. I loved seeing my pals but it was very real that my life was on hold. Steph encouraged me that I needed this to see my friends and keep that part of my life as close to normal as I can!
The thought of being awake for at least the next 7 hours brought on a little panic itself. It seemed impossible! My head was fuzzy, my hands were shaking and I couldn't think or speak in complete sentences. I worked for about 4 hours and went to meet Janna. Becky came too!
It felt awesome to see them but I was dragging. I needed to see my friends!
I still hadn't returned any phone calls yet. Just too tired, didn't want to talk to anyone. When I got home Steph was there, I just walked in my room and layed down for a minute. I couldnt' do anything but cry! It was sheer exhaustion, unexplainable. My mind couldn't process any thoughts except for reminding me how horrible I felt. The exhaustion was the hardest part to deal with, but cause you think it's something you can get over. Everyone gets tired, you deal with it and get moving! But this is different, it's sitting on the couch and needing to take the pills that are right in front of you on the coffee table and you just can't get them.
I couldn't stop crying. I loved seeing my pals but it was very real that my life was on hold. Steph encouraged me that I needed this to see my friends and keep that part of my life as close to normal as I can!
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